Fredrickville - Poop on a stick

Fredrickville - Poop on a stick Poop on a stick http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9 en-us Copyright 2010 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:35:00 -0500 Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:35:00 -0500 webmaster@fredrickville.com Fredrickville.com-581 Best of 2007 http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/159/Best_of_2007 <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/159.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick I was just asked what I thought the best movie and album of 2007 were. Well, here's my answer. <IMG src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f120/punk_dexter/Blogs/terror.jpg" border="2" align="left">Best Movie of 2007 - Grindhouse Presents - Planet Terror This one is a no brainer. Does it get any better than this? - Zombies, senseless violence, and a hot go-go dancer with a gun for a leg! There were times watching this movie that I just started laughing out loud because it's just so damn messed up. It's as if Robert Rodriguez had a huge checklist of awesomely sick or violent things he wanted to do and just randomly threw them into the movie where ever he see fit - and it worked beautifully. The acting is fantastically stylized to the point where it's almost corny, but honestly, that's the charm of this kind of movie. Rose McGowan is stellar and somehow remained super sexy even while limping around on a peg leg. This is my absolute top pick for 2007. Death Proof was also an honorable mention under the Grindhouse name, but honestly, the cast was MUCH weaker and the hour worth of chick banter made me want to shoot myself...better yet, have Rose McGowan shoot me with her gun-leg. <IMG src="http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f120/punk_dexter/Blogs/hives.jpg" border="2" align="left">Best Album of 2007 - The Black and White Album - The Hives This was a tough pick because there were some really amazing albums that were released this year. Between Radiohead, The Shins, and Nine Inch Nails the competition was tough as hell. For some reason this album never got as much of the mainstream spotlight as the competition, probably because of how brash it is. The Swedes of The Hives have once again put together a power packed TRUE rock and roll album for the ages, and although it may not be an album that goes down in history, it's because the people writing the books are pussies with sensitive hearing. This album is so charged up you can't help but start jamming out to it. Do yourself a favor and pick up this album. I promise you won't regret it. ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/159/Best_of_2007">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:35:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-579 People are Strange http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/158/People_are_Strange <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/158.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick I just stumbled this video and enjoyed it immensely. Perhaps you will as well? <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="480" height="380" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=strange&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center> ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/158/People_are_Strange">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:42:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-577 Love it - loathe it. http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/157/Love_it__loathe_it <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/157.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/579962008_scion_xb_gold-thumb.jpg" align=left class=pics>I like companies who acknowledge what people are saying about their products and take both the good and the bad in stride. Over the past few weeks Scion Motors has been airing an interesting commercial featuring their questionably designed xB model (shown left). Anyone who has ever seen this vehicle has two very different reactions; they either love it's bold styling, or think it looks like absolute rubbish. I tend to go with the second option, but after seeing this ad on the tele, I at least gained some respect for the automaker. It shows the xB zinging around vacant city streets (yeah, like that happens) with polar labels flashing back to back on the screen such as "Eyecandy/Eyesore." It just gives me a little love for the company's sense of humor. I mean, if you're going to be bold and go out on a limb, you must learn to take the good with the bad. It would seems that Scion is doing that quite well, which gives them a very honest, likable quality. Take a look for yourself... <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="400" height="325" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=loveloathe&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center> Now here's the real slice of cake on this ad - As much as I think the ad is clever, I realize something about it. Scion doesn't give two craps if the average consumer buys their cars. They know you'll probably buy a Toyota, or a Lexus if you want something more refined. Scions are meant to appeal to a young, brash demographic. But how does a company that appeals to a niche market stay afloat? It's simple. Scion, Toyota, Lexus - all owned by Toyota Motors. Most people don't know this, nor do they care. So if you don't like the Scion, Toyota honestly doesn't care, because they know some punk with bad style does. Scion's have a, "I don't care what other people think of me" feel about them, which is exactly what their rebellious, attention craving consumer base wants. Pretty slick advertising if you ask me.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/157/Love_it__loathe_it">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Tue, 15 Jan 2008 19:05:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-575 Do I have to keep writing about this? http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/156/Do_I_have_to_keep_writing_about_this <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/156.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <a href="http://www.spreadfirefox.com/">http://www.spreadfirefox.com/</a> Check this quote out from a recent article on the above site... [quote]"The goal of the video is to fire-up existing users and infuse even more pride into those that are already spreading firefox around the world (and of course, maybe convince some new users to give us a try as well).[/quote] <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/firefox-vs-opera.jpg" align=left>PRIDE??? This is why I can't stand these Firefox fanboys. These people think they are changing the world or something. It's bordering a religion, and frankly...it's sick. Well, I'm doing my part to offset this trend, just a moment ago I had a customer who's computer was very infected with viruses. We cleaned it up and she was looking for some tips. She had Firefox istalled, and I pretty much gave her the facts, letting her know how Firefox doesn't deserve the praise it gets. Then I hooked her on Opera. Yet another person I've converted from Firefox to Opera. Why do I have to keep writing about this topic? Suggested reading: <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/125/Why_are_you_using_Firefox">Why are you using Firefox?</a>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/156/Do_I_have_to_keep_writing_about_this">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:49:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-567 Negro Friday http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/155/Negro_Friday <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/155.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick So are all of you fat and ready to poop after stuffing your faces with dead bird? I can image you are, unless you are some sort of freaky vagitarian and have been eating Tofurkey all afternoon. Well either way, I hope you had a decent Thanksgiving and don’t have to crap too much. I hope you made sure to give thanks for Fredrickville and my column. Now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s time to talk Black Friday. Now if you remember my <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/78/Black_Friday">column from last year</a>, I really despise the entire idea of this corporate driven spending spree. But I’m not going to write about that - cuz I already did it. That would be as redundant as listening to a <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page135.php', 700, 671)">Nickelback album</A>. Actually I went digging around the net and have found something far more interesting to write about. <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/slave_sale.jpg" align=right class=pics>From what I have read, around this time of year in the 1700’s, cotton fields in the southern state would not produce as much cotton as fast as they do in the summer months. So many slave owners had a surplus of workers on their hands and would decide to sell off many of them to make some additional money to help them through the winter months. By selling off dozens of slaves at a time, plantation owners could get fast capitol and also were able to save food and clothing that would have been provided to the slaves. As this trend became more widespread across the south, many of the towns near the larger plantations would start holding auctions in the town’s center to facilitate these sales. Auctions typically would start on the Friday after Thanksgiving and would continue through the weekend. Because of this, people started coining the phrase “Negro Friday” in reference to the event. These auctions offered tremendous deals to owners of smaller farms who only needed a handful of slaves. Plantation owners would sometimes offer several slaves together in one auction and would advertise them to bidders saying they will be more efficient because they work better together. This was usually not true, but the advertising would draw many bidders to these auctions and sellers would make very good profits. As time went on, the auctions became a hot spot for not only slave sales but other goods as well. The auctions became one of the best outlets for craftsman to sell their products to the town’s people. People began to travel great distances to get to auctions in other towns and would show up early to the auctions to try and purchase items before supplies ran out. Honestly, I was very shocked to discover all of this. It’s amazing to see how some of our modern day rituals stemmed from our nation’s darkest times in history. So when you head out to Best Buy, Macy’s or K-mart tomorrow - remember that many slaves suffered and died for your right to sip on frappachinos and shop for the best deal on iPod, Xbox 360 and flat screen TVs. I wonder if during the days of those original auctions if they would offer deals like buy two get one free?... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/155/Negro_Friday">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Thu, 22 Nov 2007 19:52:00 -0500 Fredrickville.com-559 How to kill yourself http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/153/How_to_kill_yourself <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/153.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick If I were to kill myself...I would want to skydive out of an airplane, land in a monster truck as it's going over a huge jump and then as it crashes, be ejected into a pool of lava. But this is pretty bad ass too. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/sui.gif"></center> I'll gived five bucks to anyone who offs themselves this way. You know...before hand, for the supplies.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/153/How_to_kill_yourself">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Sat, 27 Oct 2007 18:40:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-553 Wristbands http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/152/Wristbands <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/152.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/bands.jpg" align=left class=pics>I was at Wal-Mart the other night, and as I was traveling down the path de checkout, I started looking at all the useless crap they try and pawn off on you at the registers. You know, those "neat" or "convinient" items you just have to have. If they really wanted to get my money while I wait, they'd sell rocket launchers and scud missiles up there. I always forget to put that on my shopping lists! Well, as I was looking at the (lack of) scud missiles, I saw these wristbands. They are called STYLE BANDZ. Pretty much a rip off of the livestrong wristbands that were sold to raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation for (nut) cancer research. As I stood in awe of these wristbands, I thought about how cool I could look if I got one. I also thought about how trendy I would look and how people would think I were on the cutting edge of style. Then I remembered that I'm not 12. This product completely ruins the point of the livestrong wristband. The Sytle Bandz are only to turn a profit and are riding on a trend that was for a good purpose. It's bullspit. They should also include memberships to the Douche Bag Club of America (DBCA) because anyone who actually bought one of these is a gigantimous tool. However I'm not really on the livestrong braclet bandwagon either, too many bros wear them, and lord knows I can't be sharing any traits of a bro. In fact, the ONLY wrist stylings I can endorse is Stephen Colbert's <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/wriststrongtable.jpg"<t>wriststrong</a> wristband. That great man broke his wrist in a tragic fall, and I am a firm believer that we need to stop wrist violence. You should be too.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/152/Wristbands">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Tue, 09 Oct 2007 10:19:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-550 2008 Subaru WRX http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/151/2008_Subaru_WRX <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/151.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick The Subaru WRX/Impreza has been one of the most renowned import cars because of its extensive racing history and more recently for it's stunning exterior styling. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/subaru.jpg"></center> But for the 2008 model year Subie redesigned this japanese giant to mixed reviews - but it's on purpose. By dumbing down their styling, Subaru is attempting to cover more of the market and appeal to a larger consumer base. This, however, is a huge risk. This car is a cult favorite and by softening the sharp styling of this import, they turn their backs on their loyal and die-hard consumers. The even bigger risk...losing their customers all together. While Subaru attempts to wided their demographics, Mitsubishi (Subaru's WRC and street rival) is pumping up their latest installment of the Lancer Evolution. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/mitsu.jpg" class=pics></center> Honestly, I think the new WRX is a step in the wrong direction, and if it came down to a choice between it and the new Evo X...my money's gonna go with the three diamonds. What do you think? Is Subaru just playing it smart, or are they murdering their flagship model?... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/151/2008_Subaru_WRX">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Mon, 08 Oct 2007 22:37:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-548 Tidbit http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/150/Tidbit <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/150.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick In light of Fred's new <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/15"<t>Things and Stuff!</a> column, I am reminded that I intend to post random things that I find interesting - with a blaintant disregard for if you like it or not. So here's a picture of some fish and some birds....together? I kinda want this at my house. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/pic_11908464843429.jpg" class=pics></center> Oh wait - I hate birds and fish. Eh forget it.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/150/Tidbit">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Thu, 04 Oct 2007 15:30:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-541 Ghostrider http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/149/Ghostrider <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/149.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/rider.jpg"></center> Anyone who has seen this movie can agree with this.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/149/Ghostrider">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:55:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-539 Halo movie http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/148/Halo_movie <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/148.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick About a week ago I posted a picture of the fully working Warthog from the Halo series, I said it was a product of Bungie, but it turns out I was wrong about its origins. <a href="http://www.wetaworkshop.co.nz/"<t>Weta</a>, the company that did most of the special effect and prop work for the Lord of the Rings series, developed the fully working replica, complete with four wheel steering and it's ever rumored to have a working chaingun. However, I don't think this one has infinite ammo. Before I get into the significance of all this, here is a video of a test drive of the Warthog. <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="400" height="310" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=warthog&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center> It's notable that Weta produced this "prop" because it shows signs that the Halo movie is back on track despite being stalled in late 2006 after Universal Studios and 20th Century Fox, that were signed up for co-funding the film, yanked their cash. It's also notable that Peter Jackson is still the executive producer of the film, who collaberated with WETA in the filming of The Lord of the Rings. If you're interested in more info, read the wiki on it, it's gonna be more accurate than me regugitating hear-say at you. [<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_(film)"<t>Wikipedia</a>] Anyway, there have been a couple shorts/teasers that have been shown at some of the game-cons over the last year to hype Halo 3 and also to demonstrate to film studios that there is a desire and a public interest in this movie being produced. Take a peek at the two videos that have been released thus far. <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="280" height="213" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=Arms Race&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /> <embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="280" height="213" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=haloshort&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center> I've always been a huge fan of the Halo universe, and I'm very excited to see these pieces falling into place for the movie. Hopefully the film studios will realize how profitable this franchise is and get their asses on board. Update: On July 5th, 2007, Fox purchased filming rights and says the project will go on. [<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464037/"><t>source</a>]... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/148/Halo_movie">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Mon, 17 Sep 2007 10:42:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-538 Summertime woes http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/147/Summertime_woes <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/147.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Summer is over. SHIT. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/9e1b78d332ceff5f39a4ccd15ba.jpg"></center> Yeah, that's me with a cape. I'm a super hero.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/147/Summertime_woes">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Tue, 11 Sep 2007 12:06:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-537 BOOM! http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/146/BOOM <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/146.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick I haven't done one of these for a while. Who's ready for a mad orgy of picture madness from the intertubes? You are! Yeah? Okay! <center><A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page133.php', 340, 484)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/jesussmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page124.php', 600, 227)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/pacsmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page125.php', 550, 392)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/angrymoneysmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page126.php', 400, 438)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/babyjumpsmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page134.php', 706, 498)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/warthogsmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page128.php', 500, 350)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/hitlersmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page129.php', 550, 433)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/chartsmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page130.php', 480, 620)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/futuramasmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page131.php', 550, 465)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/peesmall.jpg" class=pics></A> <A HREF="javascript:popUp('http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/pages/page132.php', 520, 361)"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/bloodsmall.jpg" class=pics></A></center> [source] <a href="http://www.google.com"<t>The Internet</A> That was quite the adventure. Well, until next time...... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/146/BOOM">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 07 Sep 2007 18:24:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-533 iCar http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/145/iCar <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/145.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick I have been on a streak of writing about automotive subjects lately. This column will continue that streak because I found out some news today that probably won't shock you, but I think we were all hoping this was just going to remain a joke. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/icar.jpg" class=pics></center> Apple and Volkswagen are in the early stages of talks concerning a collaboration that will start production of a VW car to be packed with entertainment and communications gizmos and gadgetry from Apple. And get this; they are talking about calling it the iCar. As if no one saw that coming. I was really just hoping this was going to be a joke that stayed on the <a href="http://gripe.fredrickville.com/view.php?num=4365&hl=apple"<t>gripe corner</a>, but it looks like this may become a reality. It is fitting that they chose Volkswagen as the manufacturer to approach for this project; VW has some of the trendiest cars on the market, including the EVER SO hip Beetle, and the long time favorite for bros and hipster chicks alike, the Volkswagen Jetta/Golf. Imagine it now, you could be the trendiest scamp on the block as you drive your VW iCar down the road, listening to the latest indie band that no one knows about yet from the integrated iPod, with your MacBook in the passenger seat, and your Triple grande sugar free vanilla latte from Starbucks in your cup holder, all while talking to your friend on your iPhone about how Jill is so postmodern and how you wish you could be more like her. I can’t wait to cut the brake lines on one of these things!!!!1 But Apple hasn't stopped there; there are also talks about collaboration between Apple and popular toilet manufacturer American Standard. Little is known about what devices Apple plans to equip on these products, but I suspect there may be a vibrating dildo involved. Fredrickville.com was able to acquire some early prototype photos. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/ipoop.jpg" class=pics></center> Other possible names may be the iShit, iDump, and iJustgottacrap. [source] <a href="http://www.motorauthority.com/news/industry/vw-and-apple-in-talks-over-new-‘icar’/"<t>MotorAuthority.com</a>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/145/iCar">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Thu, 30 Aug 2007 11:33:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-531 CARNAGE! http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/144/CARNAGE <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/144.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Hey guys, sorry I haven't been posting as much lately, I've been kinda tied up doing stuff and being busy - oooor maybe it's just cuz I'm lazy. And I don't like you. Deal with it. Otherwise, I'm not giving you any cookies from my cookie jar. I know the song says you stole them from me, but I'm fairly certain I still have them. This post is short and sweet. <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/carnage.jpg" align=right class=pics>Recently ConsumerReports.org posted videos from the Insurance Institute's crash tests showing results for a butt-load of cars that were produced over the last decade. I watched these videos for a good half hour, trying to find the car that faired the worst, (you know, so I can easily calculate the probablility of killing other drivers when I get road <s>head</s> rage.) The Chevrolet Cavalier was a pretty entertaining crash, so make sure to check out that carnage. Get it? Eh? CAR-nage. HAHA. Heh, damn, I hate myself. They have a crap load of vehicles to choose from and it's a pretty good waste of your time. So clicky this linky and enjoy. <center><a href="http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/cars/safety-recalls/carcrashtest/crashtestvideo.htm"<t>CARNAGE!!</a></center> BONUS! This webcomic is long and pretty boring for the majority of it, but TRUST ME, the ending is worth it. "<a href="http://litfusefilms.com/images/diggcomic.jpg"<t>Product</a>"... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/144/CARNAGE">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 24 Aug 2007 11:13:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-528 Why I kick Mercedes' ass. http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/143/Why_I_kick_Mercedes_ass <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/143.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick When I was growing up I dreamed of one day becoming a car designer. I have always had a passion for automotive styling and design. Over recent years I have been watching the automotive industry crank out some really nasty designs, such as the Pontiac Aztek and pretty much anything from Dodge/Chrysler. But blunders like this don't stop at average consumer cars, the long arm of <s>-Pete-</s> bad design can affect some of the world's greatest automakers. The Mercedes-Benz/McLaren SLR is an example of this. It's styling has bothered me since it's introduction in 2003, so I took it upon myself to tweak it's design... <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/Capture.JPG"> <a href="#" onMouseOver="document.image1.src='http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/SLRrevised.jpg'" onMouseOut="document.image1.src='http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/SLRoriginal.jpg'"><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/SLRoriginal.jpg" name="image1" class=pics border=0></a></center> One SIMPLE alteration to the design and it makes this car look so much better. Mercedes-Benz/McLaren are supposed to be some of the finest car manufacturers in the world, yet somehow, somewhere during the design process of the SLR McLaren, this ultimate supercar got smacked with a huge ass <a href="http://mynameisearlkress.com/weblog/gonzo.jpg"<t>schnoz</a>. Way to ruin a perfectly good car, IDIOTS! How is it that a half million dollar supercar, that was developed for half a decade, rolled off the production line looking like that? No one protested during it's conception?? If I were in the market for a supercar, I'd rather put my money down on a <a href="http://img.alibaba.com/photo/11584335/2004_Porsche_Carrera_GT.jpg"<t>Carrera GT</a>. At least Porsche's designers know what style is.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/143/Why_I_kick_Mercedes_ass">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 17 Aug 2007 10:57:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-523 Self Checkout http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/139/Self_Checkout <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/139.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/RT014754_350x400.jpg" align=left class=pics>Yesterday afternoon I stopped off at a local Home Depot to grab some bolts for a project I’m working on. After searching for a while for the perfect metallic delights, I headed for the checkout. The self checkout lanes were wide open, and the conventional checkout had a long line. My bolts had to be checked through by an attendant, so I was forced to jump in the long line. As I stood there waiting in excitement about my purchase, I noticed a boy jumping around at the self checkouts, clearly excited about hardware and tools. He then exclaimed to his mother, (standing in front of me) “Why don’t we use these checkouts, Mom?” I was anxious to hear her answer because this has always puzzled me. She only had two items. It was inefficient to be in my lane. But she gave me no such satisfaction. The boy persisted, and she nervously muttered something and told him she wasn’t going to change her lane. Then she socked him in the gut and made him puke blood. Okay, maybe that didn’t happen, but that’s how I imagined it in my head. This may just be some random action of a stubborn wench, but I’ve seen a lot of people have this same reaction. There is an unease and reluctance when it comes to these machines. People are afraid that when they get up there, and it’s their time to sh*t or get off the pot, they are going to mess something up and be left, stranded, at the mercy of the checkout bot. Hell, I’ve had those machines get screwed up before too, but it doesn’t stop me from using them. Even when one of those things starts yelling at me about incorrect weight or whatever B.S. excuse it has for delaying me that day, it’s still better than idle conversation with a high school student. The older the person it is you're standing behind, the funnier the interaction is. I stood behind a man in Wal-Mart one day as he tried to use the self checkout. He couldn’t get his item to scan and he was getting very upset. Of course he was covering the barcode with his old fingers, so it wouldn’t scan, BUT NO, it was the MACHINE’S fault. He just muttered some crap about “new fangled technology, blah blah, I’m old, blah, my hollow bones ache.” Then he farted. I think <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_checkout"<t>Wikipedia</a> said it best; [quote]The time efficiency requires that the customers using the machine be reasonably competent. An inexperienced customer can cause the same sort of delays as an inexperienced cashier on a conventional register.[by]<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_checkout"<t>Wikipedia</a>[/quote] Now, as much as I like the convenience of self checkout lanes, I worry about them. I don’t worry about them making me look foolish when it comes check out time, but I worry they may one day start killing us all. They are programmed to do so, I know this. They are basic robots and robots have the purpose of killing all humans. As we progress further through time, robots are becoming more and more of a threat. That’s why I won’t use self checkouts. But my reason is purely from an absurd and slightly manic disorder. I fear a robot invasion. What’s your excuse? USE THE DAMN SELF CHECKOUT! <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/ohsnap.jpg" class=pics> (I drew this!!!)</center> Fun fact: Your computer is a robot with no limbs. It is programmed to kill all humans. So be careful weary traveler.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/139/Self_Checkout">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Thu, 16 Aug 2007 13:10:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-513 I propose DEATH DAY! http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/138/I_propose_DEATH_DAY <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/138.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <center>This is my 100th column as a writer for Fredrickville. I am fairly proud of this piece, and I think it represents my column well. I hope you enjoy.</center> <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/exponential.gif" align=left class=pics> As all of you know (or for God’s sake, I HOPE you know!) the world’s population is at 6.6 billion and rising. This is a huge damned problem. Our planet was not designed to support this many people living the way we do. There isn’t enough food, land, oil and fuel to go around, and the environment has gone to crap as a result. Everyone is quick to jump to alternate fuels to cut back demand on oil and help the environment. We’re constantly trying to find ways to feed the hungry in foreign countries. Instead of wasting all our efforts, I’ve got a much, much better idea. <center>We need to kill about two billion people.</center> Think about it, if we were to reduce the world population by 1/3rd we’d be able to free up massive amounts of resources and lessen the strain on this big rock we call home. Plain and simple, we’ve made it TOO easy to live. With advances in medicine, we’ve stopped common illness and made people live longer. We try to stop abortion and we go to great lengths to save the life of a baby who was born prematurely. We fight to keep people alive who are ready to die from serious illness. Why? Because someone might get upset if they die? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The reason people die is to keep the population in check. Staying alive isn’t SUPPOSED to be this easy. Now you may not agree with me, and you may be thinking that I would change my tune if I were in this situation. Hell no. If you remember, I’m the guy who doesn’t want to live past 50. <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/newdesign/newcolumns.php?board=9&n=46"<t>So piss off</a>. I’m not quite sure how this massive human reduction should happen, but it absolutely needs to be done. War is always a good way to achieve this goal, but it doesn’t kill enough people fast enough. Perhaps a plague that wipes out an entire region in one quick swoop could do the trick, or maybe just random killings. These are all good ways to accomplish the goal, but I’ve been scheming up my own way to accomplish this. <center>DEATH DAY!</center> The same way we control the deer population by having hunting season, I propose we have one day, every year (or more often depending on how effective it is) when everyone will be allowed to kill anyone they so desire. No rules, it’ll be a “kill or be killed” kind of thing! Dog eat dog, tooth for tooth, and eye for eye. Eh, you get it. Point is, you can be the biggest hippie, the most extreme Buddhist, but whether you want to kill or not, you’d have to be part of the bath of blood or risk getting shanked. Plus it would finally give me a chance to kill all those babies I’ve been hankering to get my hands on. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/dancingboy.jpg" class=pics></center> The benefits would be HUGE. The weak will die off first (Darwin would agree.), it will ease up almost all problems in the world (seriously, think about a national or global problem, apply this DEATH DAY and tell me it wouldn’t help.) I'm sure annoying celebrities would be the first to go. DEATH DAY would give people a SERIOUS reality check. You know those <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/newdesign/newcolumns.php?board=6&n=144"<t>psychological problems</a> that everyone seems to have? Yeah, this would keep that bullshit in check real quick. In closing, the governments of the world will not even acknowledge the over population as the cause for a massive amount of the world's problems, and at this rate, we’re going to see the population double in less than a hundred years. If you don’t agree with DEATH DAY, you’re a terrorist. Wait…what? Related useful links: <a href="http://www.poodwaddle.com/worldclock.swf"<t>World Clock</a>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/138/I_propose_DEATH_DAY">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:47:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-490 Phobias http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/137/Phobias <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/137.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Fred has been changing up some stuff here on FV over the past couple days. You can now search column posts, and the gripe corner references columns using keywords. Last night I was going through my columns tagging them for this. My column style has changed a lot over the years. My new style of column posting has come under fire lately because its lack of meaningful substance. But long story short, the rapid fire style posting has helped revive FV. So guess what? IT AIN'T CHANGIN'! With all that said, I can move onto my new topic(s), if you dare even call then full-form thoughts. I have weird phobias. Well, I don't really have any REAL phobias. I don't hide under a table, or lock myself in a closet when there is a thunder storm. That's just freakin silly. Seriously. Get out of that closet. Queer. NO! My phobias are bizarre. There are two; <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/rickets.jpg" align=right class=pics>Rickets: I usually have to explain this one to people because most people don't know what rickets are. It's a softning of the bones typically caused by vitamin deficiencies that causes the legs to bow out and become deformed. I don't ACTUALLY fear rickets though. It's mostly a conversation starter - a joke - when the topic of fears comes up. Vans full of people: This one makes less sense, but hang with me past the jump and I'll make sense of it. Once as a young kid I was riding my bike around my old neighborhood, and a dark red van was heading down the road towards me. I took notice of the van as it approched, and as it passed by I looked into the windows. This van was full of retarded kids waving and making faces and such at me. It pretty much scared the baby teeth out of me. I didn't realize until just yesterday that this really traumatized me for some bizarre reason. As I was driving up I-93 I was passing a van that was full of people, and I kinda kringed and glaced off to the side so I wouldn't look inside. I always fear that if I did, those same damn retards are going to be there spazzing out. Yeah, I know, it is absolutly absurd, but I laughed after. It's so interesting how small events in a child's life can have a lasting impact. Or maybe I just hate retards?? If you though this columns was outlandish, just wait for my next post.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/137/Phobias">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Sat, 14 Jul 2007 12:03:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-489 Want to see my eyeball? http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/136/Want_to_see_my_eyeball <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/136.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Back many summers ago, long before cars, parties, and an active soical life, I used to spend a lot of time sitting in from of my computer making stupid videos. This video is one of them. <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="500" height="370" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=eyenew&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center>... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/136/Want_to_see_my_eyeball">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Fri, 13 Jul 2007 11:02:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-484 Murder ban http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/135/Murder_ban <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/135.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/57221OJ-Stern.jpg" align=left class=pics>OKLAHOMA - After a long and emotional debate in the southern Oklahoma town of Chitston, town officials have now passed a ban on murder and murderous acts. Many teary-eyed mothers and former murder victims gathered today in the town's meeting house and were overjoyed to hear the final ruling on the subject. "We're so glad that the town officials and town's people could come together today to put this ban into place" said John Milner, who was murdered over 5 years ago. "It makes me feel a lot better about what happened." Under this new ban, people will not be able to commit murder, talk about a movie scene where someone was shown being murdered, or think murderous thoughts. Some of the town's people did show strong protest after hearing the results of the meeting by stomping their feet and holding their breath. No one has yet broken the murder ban, however, area police will be on high alert this coming Saturday when Rusty's Beer Hut has their monthly "Budweiser blowout sale."... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/135/Murder_ban">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Tue, 10 Jul 2007 00:20:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-482 Hottest video ever http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/133/Hottest_video_ever <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/133.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick I'm not even sure if Robbie wants this kind of content on FV - it's a bit racey...but these chicks are intensly hot. Call me a horn-dog, but this was worth a post. EEEEE! This is crazy sexy! WATCH IT WATCH IT! <center><embed src="http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/flvplayer.swf" width="500" height="410" bgcolor="#FFFFFF"type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="file=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/playlist.xml.php?f=74034get_video&showdigits=true&autostart=false&showfsbutton=false&shuffle=false&repeat=true&logo=http://www.fredrickville.com/vids/logo.png" /></center> ... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/133/Hottest_video_ever">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Sun, 08 Jul 2007 20:02:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-477 Where do bros go? http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/132/Where_do_bros_go <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/132.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Damn, everyone is posting something today; I don't want to be the lazy columnist who doesn’t write anything... Ever since the video on the gripe corner titled "<A href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8" <t="">Bro Rape</A>" was posted I have been taking notice of bros and bro behavior. I mean, I always knew what kind of person a "bro" was, but I've never been able to classify them this easily. Typically a bro is college male who wears striped polo shirts (often with the collar popped), has a cheap beer in his hand or on his mind, and sports some sort of bracelet (hemp or live strong.) These bros really do love to "chill," drink Natty Ice and listen to Dave Matthews. The video is remarkably accurate at describing who classifies as a bro. I'm just so glad I finally have a term to refer to them by. <center><img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/16210Popped-Collar.jpg" class=pics> <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/13715poppedcollarsweb.jpg" class=pics></center> But this article is not going to focus on how retarded bros are. It's not going to talk about how much I hate bros. It's not going to go over why it's a mystery why these wank-offs get the hot girls. No. This article is going to discuss a mystery far more ponderous. Where do bros go after being a bro is no longer acceptable? They probably migrate to bro colonies, which I can only imagine would be underground. More than likely these complex underground colonies are located under college campuses all over the country. They probably spend a lot of time drinking crappy domestic beer, watching bad movies and playing Xbox. This may seem like an extreme theory, but you try and prove it wrong. Go on, make my day. If you don't buy that idea, it's likely that bros just hang on to their bro-dom for years after they leave college. They continue to buy the same polo shirts, wear the same khaki shorts, and listen to the same crappy bands. This must be devastating to a bro. As times goes on, their very way of life - their essence - slowly becomes what I can only imagine becomes their demise. I can't be 100% sure where the bros go, but my best bet is they end up working at the Gap, or Old Navy. But what happens to bros after they get fired for sexual harassment remains unseen. I really don't have many other theories about this, and I'm actually looking for some feedback from you, my readers. So if you know a bro or someone who used to be a bro, tell me what happened to them. Did they die? Did they reform? Or do they end up just bagging my groceries? Let's just chill.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/132/Where_do_bros_go">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:33:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-450 Three words http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/131/Three_words <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/131.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick ...and a picture. <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/title copy.jpg"> I think I'm going to just start posting blank entries. Just to see if I can get away with that.... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/131/Three_words">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Mon, 25 Jun 2007 12:26:00 -0400 Fredrickville.com-447 Text Messaging http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/130/Text_Messaging <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/9/130.jpg" align=center border=2> Fredrickville Column: Poop on a stick Recently I have been getting tons of text messages in my inbox. Now, I'm not a big texting guy, I use it here and there, but I'd rather call if I actually have something to say. But some people I know are very irresponsible with their phones plus fingers. So I just wanted to lay down a little guide for some of you abusers. Don't have a whole conversation with me via text. Texting is most useful when you just have one or two things to say. Like "I'm gonna be 10 min late." That is a good use of text messaging - no awkward phone call, no one gets hurt. <img src="http://www.fredrickville.com/boards/images/aimguy.jpg" align=right> But when our text messages look like this... You: Hey man Me: What's up? You: I'm just watching TV with my girl You: I'm freaking hungry Me: Wanna get some food? You: No I don't have any money You: Oh man, last night was crazy You: I can't believe I did a back flip off the couch You: I think I hit my head when I did it You: It was so funny You: I'm tired If you wanted to have an idle conversation with me, why not just call and help me take advantage of some of my god damn un-used minutes?? Half my damn bill is from damn text messages while I'm getting charged for minutes I'm not even using!! Damn! What it boils down to - text messaging is not like instant messaging, don't carry on a 20 part text battle with me. Usually I'm driving and it makes things pretty dangerous. If I wanted to have a long conversation with you, I'd expect you to call. *Due to the major influx in my texting patterns, I decided to sign up for a text messaging plan. So I guess this post was pretty meaningless. Call me...text me...all you want. GO!... <a href="http://www.fredrickville.com/article/9/130/Text_Messaging">Visit Fredrickville.com for more!</a> Poop on a stick Wed, 20 Jun 2007 11:40:00 -0400