Rays of Self Respect
Poop on a stick
Posted by SpIkE on 01/25/07.

Today I somehow stumbled onto Military.com and noticed an interesting article. It was titled "Military Shows Off New Ray Gun." Obviously that caught my attention, because I love the idea of ray guns and killing things. But this article was not a literary manifestation of my heart's desires.

I read a bit into the article and despite the ray gun's bad ass appearance (pictured right), it is not intended for lethal uses. The skinny on this fatty is that it shoots a beam of microwaves or something that makes its target feel like they are about to catch fire. Basically a non-lethal way of pissing off your enemies and encouraging them to fire back at you. The military feels like this weapon will help in the war on terror by making suicide bombers so uncoforatable they just go home and blow up their bathtub instead. The article also said that the ray gun wouldn't be ready for production until 2010. Which tells me that they are planning on us being in Iraq for AT LEAST that long. WOOHOO!

Anyway, if they want to make this a worth-while weapon, they should crank up the juice on it and ACTUALLY set people on fire. How cool would it be to have a weapon that just vaporizes the target?

But this unique weapon has other, civilian uses. Why not modify it to beam a ray of self respect? Or maybe good looks? Hell of a lot more useful than one where "the pain is comparable to an intensified version of opening an oven and feeling the initial blast of hot air."

Well, all-in-all a pretty cool idea, I just hope they make some modifications to it to make it beam intelligence to people. That would make the world a much better place and would make me a hell of a lot less violent.

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*for those of you keeping score, this is the third article I have posted that featured a Hummer somewhere in it.

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