Ok, so anyone who has ever been around me on "Black Friday" knows it irritates the SHIT out of me. I mean COME ON, they already have the entire month of February!

HAHA. That was a joke.

If you missed it, go back and read it again. If you have to read it a third time..Mr. T pities you.

Black Friday is considered the first day of the Christmas shopping season. Everyone goes and starts their quest...nay...CONQUEST to get as much shit for Christmas as they can. Why? Because they are TOLD to. It's a trend, and we know I hate trendy shit. Anytime people do things because they are told to...it pisses me off.

These yuppie idiots wake up at the ass crack of dawn on their DAY OFF to get to Wal-mart at 5 a.m. so they can get that doll that pisses and bleeds from the anus for little Suzie-Q. Seriously, just put ketchup in the tube and BLAM, out comes blood from the anus!

It's just so dumb, people fighting through crowds of other idiots just like them, having to stand in lines for hours, and dealing with all the headaches that go with this magical day.

Why?

"Oh, well it's the biggest shopping day of the year
and you get some really good deals."
- Any mindless consumer whore

Good deals?? Oh yeah. Well lets take a look at this...you'll wake up so early you're going to need a couple cups of coffee to wake up. You'll go to Dunkin Donuts for that...or *GASP* Starbucks. Then you'll bust into Wal-Mart at 5 a.m. buy SOME stuff that is on your list at normal price and find some useless items that are on "sale." But after a few hours of crazy binge shopping, you're gonna be famished!! You'll need to eat some food, and quick!! But you can't go home and waste that precious time. NO!! So you're going to go to a local restaurant for breakfast, scarf down your food like Zoidberg in a dumpster, then BACK TO SHOPPING!!!

You'll get back to the store and piss away a bunch of money on more stuff for Christmas. Cuz lord knows that you need to get as much shit as possible! The amount of money you spend on your kids shows how much you love them. The bill can run pretty high when you're feel guilty for being a bad parent and not spending any time with them. KEEP SHOPPING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!! It's the CHRISTmas season. It's how Jesus would have wanted it. BUY, BUY, BUY!!!!11

So at the end of the day you got a bunch of your shopping done and got some great DEALS. But wait...you voided any and ALL savings you just made because you got a bunch of coffee and then ate out. Oh yeah...and you took the day off of work. If you are so concerned with savings you'll see why this above scenario doesn't make an ounce of sense.

But above ALL other reasons I hate this corporate-driven day of madness...I am pissed that they are using a cool name for the pussiest of days. COME ON, the name Black Friday should be reserved for something cool. I'm trying to think of something awesome as an example, but quite honestly it's 1:45 and I can't really make my brain fart out another funny line.

I think I'm gonna go to Wal-Mart on Friday. But I'm not going buy anything. I'm just going to try and piss off as many enraged shoppers as I can. Maybe fill a cart with Tickle Me Elmos, and Furbies and just freak out at anyone who gets too close to the cart.

Anyone want to come with me to the Tilton Wal-Mart Friday and raise some hell? I'm seriously considering doing this. Leave me a message or write me on AIM.

Stumble this article.

Spoonman @ 11/26/06 "These Wal*Mart shoppers have been misleading you about their "yuppie" status." SpIkE @ 11/27/06 "but the people who go out on black friday haven't" FreakBurrito @ 11/27/06 "Props for the Zoidberg comment" Riev_Mordred @ 11/28/06 "Dude, you got props from Brian, hahah" FreakBurrito @ 11/30/06 "Goupil, when was the last time you got laid?" Login to comment...

Return to main...