So a few weeks ago, I was out running some errands on one of my rare days off. I was in the LA-conia area, and I started to get some hunger pangs. I WAS HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF! Not like Freaky B with a helpless babe, but the way Duran Duran used it. Hmmm…actually not like that at all. I was hungry in the way where my belly needed nourishment. So I started looking for something tasty to put into my food processing plant. Where did I end up? Where else, but the BK Lounge! Hmmm…I don’t think Sir Fredrickson appreciates these “inside jokes.” So I’ll spare him, and make it clear that the ”BK Lounge” is Dane Cook speak for Burger King.

So it was about 400° outside, (Ha! I’m exaggerating!) and the lounge of BK (get it?) seems like an oasis to my hot, steamy body. So I place my order and wait for my food. Once my tray was ready for departure, I headed back to my booth and as I was gobbling down my yummy bacon double cheeseburger, I looked up into a twisted world.

In the corner of the Laconia BK, there is a room. It’s a small, glassed off room where parents send their kids to eat. The kids think they are special because they get their own room, but the parents are just happy to get rid of their f***ing kids for 5 minutes. Who can blame them? Kids are freaking annoying. End of story.

Oops, that wasn’t really the end of the WHOLE story. Sorry for the confusion.

Anyways, so I look up to the glass of the detention center, and I noticed that BK had replaced those cool kids we grew up on, from the BK Kids Club, with something new. Something evil.

Really quickly, I just wanna have a flashback with some of you. The BK Kids Club characters were pretty cool during the early 90’s. Granted, their image had faded a bit since the turn of the century, but they will be missed. Well, at least the kid with the sweet goggles and that space dog. They were the only characters that actually mattered. An able-bodied athletic white male, and a space dog? The choice was obvious for me too.

Continuing on, BK replaced the beloved BK kids with these things called Honbatz. Now these things aren’t NEARLY as screwed up as PBS’s Boohbahs, but they make me fear that no age group is safe from corporate America’s mind poisoning. Here is my problem with the Honbatz: They are similar to crack addicts. If you go to their WEB SITE (I wrote it big so you know to click it. Don’t let me down) and watch the short cartoons for each character, you soon realize they crave hamburgers, fries, and ketchup as badly as a crack addict craves….wait…I bet you can guess what I’m gonna say. That’s right, kids! CRACK ROCK!

After viewing the cartoons, and examining the characters, I realized it was very clear. These little bastards are teaching the youthlings that obsessive consumption and bags under your eyes are the cool thing.

Well, it isn’t cool! Crack isn’t cool, obesity isn’t cool, and little f***ing monsters are NEVER cool. They scare the crap out of me. If I saw one of those things, NO JOKE, I’d poop.

So I guess my one question in all of this: What will McDonalds do to counter this?


More? You’re sick!
**Secret Honbatz Page

Stumble this article.

Riev_Mordred @ 08/31/05 "FIRST" Riev_Mordred @ 08/31/05 "That red negro keeps kissing my screen. Make him stop" chronic_groupie @ 08/31/05 "I noticed those things the last time i was at the BK lounge and the disturbed me greatly" TittiesMcGee @ 08/31/05 "The question is Andy, What can YOU do to save the youth of America? AND, Is there really any saving it anymore?" shoelacelove @ 08/31/05 "They remind me of quiznos characters." ThatSam @ 08/31/05 "Honbats are actualy based on another type of animal called Pongo abelii. the Pongo abelii have been know to exibit adictive like behavior after long exposure to humans. however I hve never seen one wit a hellicopter head." ThatSam @ 08/31/05 "there a real animal, the Pongo abelii are going extinct" FreakBurrito @ 09/01/05 "McDonalds tends to be the leader in fast food trends actually. I think that they have no reason to truely counter this move. Especially seeing as how many people dislike marketing torwards kids." InvisibleCola @ 09/01/05 "Oh my god, those mascots are so CREEPY and Unnecessary." SpIkE @ 09/01/05 "Ronald McDonald sucks." Snephrew @ 09/01/05 "The Hamburglur Should replace ronald forever.." chronic_groupie @ 09/03/05 "agreed " BOB_THE_SOBER @ 12/12/05 "I'd punch a honbat in the face! The old BK Kids were way cooler and less crack-induced nightmarish. And go Hamburglur." Login to comment...

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