Fake grapes
Poop on a stick
Posted by SpIkE on 02/20/05.

For any of you that don't know, I work at the Tilt'n Diner in Tilton. Yeah, it sucks. Well, the company has been expanding, so we got a new district manager to help manage things. Well, one of the big wigs decided that they wanted to jazz up the look of our breakfast buffet. So they got some fake fruit to display. They got six bunches of fake grapes. Now, these were no ordinary fake grapes, I mean they had like, fake dew on it. They looked damn real. They were pretty nice, PRIT-TAY nice. But hold the phone...no seriously, hold the phone, I'm writing a column right now, I can't take any calls. Anyways, we have REAL fruit. Won't people get confused and try and eat the fake fruit?

INDEED! Customers were getting all confused and trying to take the grapes. I had to keep explaining that they were for display. Now this bothers me. Why are my bosses' bosses not smart enough to realize this whole fake fruit next to real fruit thing is a BAD idea? Are they trying to make the customers happy, or just trying to make them choke on plastic food and royally piss them off?

Guppies rhymes with yuppie...

Yuppies piss me off to no end. This weekend I had some people come in to the Diner, get the buffet and order omelets from me, it was a family, with a really macho masculine father, and his pretty, but bitchy wife, and two obnoxious, spoiled kids. First, the husband comes up and orders, all the while making sure I don't glance at his wife. Then his wife orders, like I OWE her the food, it is more of a demand than a request. And she can't just tell me what she wants; she has to be really particular.


Woman: "Can I get some egg, ham, just a sprinkling of cheese, some peppers...and don't brown the omelet, I don't like it with any brown. Oh, and can you put less oil in the pan?"

Me: "Want me to wipe your ass too?"

Why do people insist on telling me they want EGG in the OMELET? I am pretty sure it is the key element of the food. IDIOTS. Well, you know those rich bastards tipped poorly, then got into their huge Cadillac Escalade, and went back to their home in the suburbs somewhere in Massachusetts to watch their new Plasma TV. Forget that. I'll smack them in the face with a hot skillet.

Now, for something completely random, a special little ditty from me to you. It's a song by Goldfinger about Wayne Gretzky. I hope you enjoy. Till next week, I'm SpIkE, and you're a robot. Go do robot things.

Wayne Gretzky
The only man I'd have sex with.
Wayne Gretzky
I'd be intimate with
Wayne Gretzky
I think he's kinda sexy
Wayne Gretzky
I wonder what he looks like naked

Oh, I wonder what it would be like
to have sex with the great one
Oh, I wonder what it would be like
to have sex with the league's leading scorer

Wayne Gretzky
I know he's a married man
But maybe, he'd be attracted to me
Darrin Pfeiffer
Stupid American boy
Wayne Gretzky
Very handsome Canadian man

Oh, I wonder what it would be like
to have sex with the great one
Oh, I wonder what it would be like
to have sex with the league's leading scorer

Yeah, I wonder what it would be like
Ahh...it would never happen, its a pipe dream.
Wait a minute, I'm not even gay, I'm married, whatever

(singing again)
Wayne Gretzky...I love you Wayne Gretzky, yeah...

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irisangelapearl @ 02/21/05
"It sucks, no seriously."

irisangelapearl @ 02/21/05
"jk. i'm glad i haven't choked on a grape."

flushmaster2000 @ 02/21/05
"That's not what I heard,,,"

FreakBurrito @ 02/21/05
"fucking yuppies"

Riev_Mordred @ 02/21/05
"That diner does nothing right except breakfast. Now I'm hungry. Stupid post!"

SpIkE @ 02/21/05

chronic_groupie @ 02/21/05
"this post was good I LOVE YOU ANDY! There, now you feel loved... Happy now?"

irisangelapearl @ 02/22/05
"paul i'm not sure what you mean by that but whatevah."

FreakBurrito @ 02/22/05
"Dude, i got a wicked upset stomach after eating breakfast at the diner."

SpIkE @ 02/23/05
"it happens, don't go to the diner...ever, it gives you the poopies."

FreakBurrito @ 02/23/05
"ROFL, I guess I got an immunity to McDonalds then, cause I rarely get it there."

Riev_Mordred @ 02/24/05
"Brian, shut up. McDonalds sucks. Everyone should eat at the Mayflower."

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