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 My primate armyPoop on a stick Posted by SpIkE on 12/05/04 12:00am. "The best Fredrickville has to offer. Seriously, this is a new low." I can’t wait until I graduate college and have a real job. I am so worn out from school and work seven days a week. Everyday I have somewhere to be and something to do. I never have a day where I can just chill out, kick off my moccasins, and do whatever I want. If I want to steal a nun’s bus and go on a series of crazy and unpredictable adventures, I can’t, cause then I would have to miss a day or two of something. No fun, no fun at all, Pac-man. I was just thinking tonight how it would be nice to have a night to relax on the couch with someone special and just dim the lights and enjoy a good movie and not have to worry about going to bed immediately after. As I write this, I should be in bed, cause I have to be at work in 5 hours, so I can be there by 6 a.m. I just feel like I am a robot in a robotic world. Except, they didn’t give me a cool laser. I am one of those robots that has to build chairs and crap. I want to have nights where I can stay up until 4 a.m. without regret and go out doing crazy stuff getting all hopped up on pixie sticks and gummi worms. Instead, I have to keep an eye on the clock and be responsible about getting to bed at a decent hour. When I get a real job I will have my 9 - 5, Monday through Friday, and the nights and weekends will be mine. The thought of that is quite charming and makes me feel all tingly in my bottom.  Once I get this great, steady job, and I start raking in some cash, I think I am going to acquire a hoard of primates to do my biddings. I will dress them up in cool jumper suits and they will be my gang….NAY! MY ARMY! My army of vicious primates!You wouldn’t mess with me! If a big dude started some crap with me and made me mad, I would command my monkeys to attack. This is how it would work: 1- First, some spider-moneys would swing in from the branches and claw his eyes. 2 - While this dude is stumbling around trying to figure out what is going on, these chimpanzees would run over and hit him in the face with fire pokers. 3 - Then these big ass gorillas would tackle him to the ground. 4 - To top it off, a baboon would come over and rub his ass on this dude’s face. That would be the ultimate worst. You wouldn’t mess with that! Me and my monkeys would mess some people up. So make sure you are extra nice to me so I don’t have to take you down. Buy me Christmas presents. Lots of them.
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