I'm not really sure what is bringing this on, but tonight I am really quite depressed. I am just not really happy with the way things are going. It isn't that my life is that bad at all. It is actually pretty good, I have a good job that I enjoy, I am going to school and trying to make something of myself, I have a girlfriend who is really great and makes me happy, I have friends who are fun to be with and are genuinly good people, I have a great supportive family, and I drive a nice car. All those things make me happy. So it would seem that everything is good. But for some reason if not everything in my is perfect at any given time, I find myself falling into these random depression traps. Maybe it is the late, lonely nights...I don't like to be alone. My mind starts spinning and I forget why life is good.

I like to think I am a well balanced kid, and that I am good about keeping myself on the level, but sometimes I slip. Like right now my computer is crap, and I need a new CD-RW drive, I have a couple thousand dollars worth of bills I have to pay for very soon as well. This is making me freak out for some reason. Funny thing is, I have pleanty of money for these things, and I will have no problem handling them, but something about the fact that these problems exist drives me up the wall. I am a perfectionist and I hate not being able to keep things under my control all the time.

I am greatful for the people I have surrounded myself with, I have been pretty good at bringing people in to my life at certain times who help me grow and develop as a person at that given time. All my friends make me a better person in some way. Even my crazy ex-girlfriend, who stabbed me in the back, at one point was a good influence for me. She really helped me form into the person I am today. I used to be really reserved and quiet, but a lot of times now I am a lot more agressive in my day-to-day life and that has had a tremendous effect on my social and professional life. Don't get me wrong, I still hate that damn bitch with every ounce of my existance, but I do acknowledge those who have helped me along my path to where I am now.

I have just been worried about losing these people who I love so much. I am at that point in my life where all my friends are getting ready to head off to who knows where to go after their own personal goals, and I am still sitting here in the same town, working at the same job, not going anywhere. I just wonder what I am going to do after all of my close friends move on without me. I don't blame them, but it just makes me sad that there is nothing I can do about it.

Well, I know I will feel fine in the morning, cause I always do, but right now I need to just relax and forget about it. I leave you with this...don't spank the robot, cause sometimes he will slap back.

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