Self Checkout
Poop on a stick
Posted by SpIkE on 08/16/07 01:10pm.

Yesterday afternoon I stopped off at a local Home Depot to grab some bolts for a project I’m working on. After searching for a while for the perfect metallic delights, I headed for the checkout. The self checkout lanes were wide open, and the conventional checkout had a long line. My bolts had to be checked through by an attendant, so I was forced to jump in the long line.

As I stood there waiting in excitement about my purchase, I noticed a boy jumping around at the self checkouts, clearly excited about hardware and tools. He then exclaimed to his mother, (standing in front of me) “Why don’t we use these checkouts, Mom?” I was anxious to hear her answer because this has always puzzled me. She only had two items. It was inefficient to be in my lane. But she gave me no such satisfaction. The boy persisted, and she nervously muttered something and told him she wasn’t going to change her lane. Then she socked him in the gut and made him puke blood. Okay, maybe that didn’t happen, but that’s how I imagined it in my head.

This may just be some random action of a stubborn wench, but I’ve seen a lot of people have this same reaction. There is an unease and reluctance when it comes to these machines. People are afraid that when they get up there, and it’s their time to sh*t or get off the pot, they are going to mess something up and be left, stranded, at the mercy of the checkout bot. Hell, I’ve had those machines get screwed up before too, but it doesn’t stop me from using them. Even when one of those things starts yelling at me about incorrect weight or whatever B.S. excuse it has for delaying me that day, it’s still better than idle conversation with a high school student.

The older the person it is you're standing behind, the funnier the interaction is. I stood behind a man in Wal-Mart one day as he tried to use the self checkout. He couldn’t get his item to scan and he was getting very upset. Of course he was covering the barcode with his old fingers, so it wouldn’t scan, BUT NO, it was the MACHINE’S fault. He just muttered some crap about “new fangled technology, blah blah, I’m old, blah, my hollow bones ache.” Then he farted.

I think Wikipedia said it best;

The time efficiency requires that the customers using the machine be reasonably competent. An inexperienced customer can cause the same sort of delays as an inexperienced cashier on a conventional register.


Now, as much as I like the convenience of self checkout lanes, I worry about them. I don’t worry about them making me look foolish when it comes check out time, but I worry they may one day start killing us all. They are programmed to do so, I know this. They are basic robots and robots have the purpose of killing all humans. As we progress further through time, robots are becoming more and more of a threat. That’s why I won’t use self checkouts. But my reason is purely from an absurd and slightly manic disorder. I fear a robot invasion. What’s your excuse? USE THE DAMN SELF CHECKOUT!

(I drew this!!!)

Fun fact: Your computer is a robot with no limbs. It is programmed to kill all humans. So be careful weary traveler.

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the_legacy @ 08/16/07
"I was recently at the store with a friend and i wanted to use the self check out. So she used the one across from me. She got frusturated because she took a plastic bag of items off and it goofed up the sencor. All you have to do is scan your items, put them in a bag then DONT MOVE THEM. Goobers"

FredFredrickson @ 08/16/07

ThatSam @ 08/16/07
"speaking of that, shouldnt you be getting ready too?"

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