This is my 100th column as a writer for Fredrickville. I am fairly proud of this piece, and I think it represents my column well. I hope you enjoy.

As all of you know (or for God’s sake, I HOPE you know!) the world’s population is at 6.6 billion and rising. This is a huge damned problem. Our planet was not designed to support this many people living the way we do. There isn’t enough food, land, oil and fuel to go around, and the environment has gone to crap as a result. Everyone is quick to jump to alternate fuels to cut back demand on oil and help the environment. We’re constantly trying to find ways to feed the hungry in foreign countries. Instead of wasting all our efforts, I’ve got a much, much better idea.

We need to kill about two billion people.

Think about it, if we were to reduce the world population by 1/3rd we’d be able to free up massive amounts of resources and lessen the strain on this big rock we call home. Plain and simple, we’ve made it TOO easy to live. With advances in medicine, we’ve stopped common illness and made people live longer. We try to stop abortion and we go to great lengths to save the life of a baby who was born prematurely. We fight to keep people alive who are ready to die from serious illness. Why? Because someone might get upset if they die? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? The reason people die is to keep the population in check. Staying alive isn’t SUPPOSED to be this easy.

Now you may not agree with me, and you may be thinking that I would change my tune if I were in this situation. Hell no. If you remember, I’m the guy who doesn’t want to live past 50. So piss off.

I’m not quite sure how this massive human reduction should happen, but it absolutely needs to be done. War is always a good way to achieve this goal, but it doesn’t kill enough people fast enough. Perhaps a plague that wipes out an entire region in one quick swoop could do the trick, or maybe just random killings. These are all good ways to accomplish the goal, but I’ve been scheming up my own way to accomplish this.

DEATH DAY!

The same way we control the deer population by having hunting season, I propose we have one day, every year (or more often depending on how effective it is) when everyone will be allowed to kill anyone they so desire. No rules, it’ll be a “kill or be killed” kind of thing! Dog eat dog, tooth for tooth, and eye for eye. Eh, you get it. Point is, you can be the biggest hippie, the most extreme Buddhist, but whether you want to kill or not, you’d have to be part of the bath of blood or risk getting shanked. Plus it would finally give me a chance to kill all those babies I’ve been hankering to get my hands on.



The benefits would be HUGE. The weak will die off first (Darwin would agree.), it will ease up almost all problems in the world (seriously, think about a national or global problem, apply this DEATH DAY and tell me it wouldn’t help.) I'm sure annoying celebrities would be the first to go. DEATH DAY would give people a SERIOUS reality check. You know those psychological problems that everyone seems to have? Yeah, this would keep that bullshit in check real quick.

In closing, the governments of the world will not even acknowledge the over population as the cause for a massive amount of the world's problems, and at this rate, we’re going to see the population double in less than a hundred years. If you don’t agree with DEATH DAY, you’re a terrorist.




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FredFredrickson @ 07/27/07 "by far the best idea yet. " the_legacy @ 07/27/07 "AMAZING!!! I love it. Im gonna win!!!!! and im coming for YOU Muahahahahhahahaha" gregor @ 07/27/07 "those french peasants totally had it coming" Monster @ 07/27/07 "watch out for heidi... everyone is going to die" corinne @ 07/29/07 "awww Andy, why would you want to die??" SpIkE @ 07/30/07 "I don't want to die. I just don't want the world to collapse on itself." corinne @ 07/30/07 "ya me either, that would NOT be a good time. I think everyone should only be allowed to live to 60 because after that it's all down hill anyhow" corinne @ 07/30/07 "..and for 60-year-old people sex should be frowned upon" FredFredrickson @ 08/01/07 "what about a 60+ death day, where only old people fight? I'd pay to see that." corinne @ 08/01/07 "yeah me too" mynameisjonas @ 09/26/07 "i would probably watch old people fight... it may be amusing " Login to comment...

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