Damn, everyone is posting something today; I don't want to be the lazy columnist who doesn’t write anything...

Ever since the video on the gripe corner titled "Bro Rape" was posted I have been taking notice of bros and bro behavior. I mean, I always knew what kind of person a "bro" was, but I've never been able to classify them this easily. Typically a bro is college male who wears striped polo shirts (often with the collar popped), has a cheap beer in his hand or on his mind, and sports some sort of bracelet (hemp or live strong.) These bros really do love to "chill," drink Natty Ice and listen to Dave Matthews. The video is remarkably accurate at describing who classifies as a bro. I'm just so glad I finally have a term to refer to them by.

But this article is not going to focus on how retarded bros are. It's not going to talk about how much I hate bros. It's not going to go over why it's a mystery why these wank-offs get the hot girls. No. This article is going to discuss a mystery far more ponderous.

Where do bros go after being a bro is no longer acceptable?

They probably migrate to bro colonies, which I can only imagine would be underground. More than likely these complex underground colonies are located under college campuses all over the country. They probably spend a lot of time drinking crappy domestic beer, watching bad movies and playing Xbox. This may seem like an extreme theory, but you try and prove it wrong. Go on, make my day.

If you don't buy that idea, it's likely that bros just hang on to their bro-dom for years after they leave college. They continue to buy the same polo shirts, wear the same khaki shorts, and listen to the same crappy bands. This must be devastating to a bro. As times goes on, their very way of life - their essence - slowly becomes what I can only imagine becomes their demise.

I can't be 100% sure where the bros go, but my best bet is they end up working at the Gap, or Old Navy. But what happens to bros after they get fired for sexual harassment remains unseen.

I really don't have many other theories about this, and I'm actually looking for some feedback from you, my readers. So if you know a bro or someone who used to be a bro, tell me what happened to them. Did they die? Did they reform? Or do they end up just bagging my groceries?

Let's just chill.

Stumble this article.

FredFredrickson @ 07/03/07 "They go to.. under the ocean" Lambic @ 07/03/07 "Bros most likely work for MTV spring break crew, then go to the army and get left behind." Seth @ 07/04/07 "Many of them find dull, boring ass office jobs and become the dicks in suits you see at trendy bars trying to pick up women." gregor @ 07/07/07 "nothing wrong with cheap beer and a little bit of DMB" SpIkE @ 07/10/07 "are you asking me to chill?" corinne @ 07/13/07 "that's really weird.. me and some people were talking about their "kind" the other night and we just called them "yeah dudes" but i guess "bros" works too " SpIkE @ 07/13/07 "AHHH, you damn boston idiots! NO ONE CALLS THEM YEAH DUDES!" corinne @ 07/13/07 "haaha i'm not even actually IN Boston, persay, I'm in Pembroke MA... but no one knows where that is so...hmm ok, but if your sensitive on it... "bros" it is " SpIkE @ 07/14/07 "i AM sensative. I have sensative nipples" corinne @ 07/16/07 "good to know" test @ 08/23/07 "The go to outerspace" test @ 08/23/07 "test2" Login to comment...

Return to main...