In the world of sweets and treats, there are two titans that reign supreme. Blood has been shed over them for decades, particularly in West Africa. The people of these regions refer to these delights as blood chocolate, and blood peanut butter. Ew...that's damn gross. I'm talking about choco and PB here, folks.

Recently this topic has been on my mind, (which says a lot about the way my mind works.) Peanut butter and chocolate both have masses of indulging fans, and though you may have never thought about it - you know where your loyalties are.

Surprisingly, there is very little on this subject on the internet. Best thing I could find was a Google fight, and chocolate won hands down. But that's only because people who love peanut butter don't own computers. Everyone knows that.

Chocolate is appealing to woman who are having their period because it actually has cocaine in it (little known fact.) However, the effects can only be felt when taken with large doses of Midol. The Midol acts as a catalyst and creates a chemical reaction that releases the cocaine into the blood stream and calms the woman's restless ocean of a body. Interestingly enough, this is also what causes the majority of mood swings that occur during P.M.S. The highs and lows from the drugs are to blame.

There is no reason for anyone else to eat chocolate unless it is in frosting form, or it is covering superior substances like; carmel, little crunchies, rocks, or...

PEANUT BUTTER!

Peanut butter is the best treat ever because it is made of peanuts. When you eat it, you are actually consuming the souls of circus elephants who have died to work in God's circus. By taking these souls and fusing them with you own soul, you become strong, and have the desire to poop out huge piles of crap. You also have the desire to trample clowns.

So there you have it, the proof is in the pudding. Peanut butter is better than chocolate.

If you are one of those idiots who thinks chocolate and peanut butter are both good...you are wrong. Reeses peanut butter cups have blurred that line for millions. I see Reeses PEANUT BUTTER cup on the label and I just want to eat it. But beware consumer! It is surrounded by a force field of crappy chocolate. The only reason I eat Reeses if for the peanut butter junk inside.

If you think this is the worst column ever, read this. I think it will change your mind.

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FredFredrickson @ 03/19/07 "You said chunchies." SpIkE @ 03/19/07 "Thank you for once again only pointing out typos" FredFredrickson @ 03/19/07 "I thought it was on purpose. I thought it was brilliant. Don't hate on me." SpIkE @ 03/19/07 "i hate you always." Batman @ 03/25/07 "I recently bought Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter from the Peanut Butter Company in Greenwich Village! It's DELICIOUS and makes me feel fat every morning! YAY!" Login to comment...

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