The last thing anybody wants is a political post. The right are too busy being happy about whatever they believe will come true. The democratic leaders are too busy perfecting the "Roll over and die" tactic for the next election. And the rest of the left is just kind of sitting somewhere feeling totally alienated. By the country, by their party, and of course, by the republicans, who, instead of taking this time to try to bring the country together, are rubbing it in everybody's faces. The irony, however, is not lost on me.

I will say that the outcome of this election is certainly not something I foresaw. After a while, not even the "liberal" media was supporting bush. I thought for sure that it was a sign that people were done with our beloved bush.

So now, what shall we do to keep ourselves entertained (and alive) the next four years? Here are a few must-haves for our 2005-term survival kit:

1. Bible. It doesn't matter what religion you believe. It doesn't matter if you lack religion. Your new set of rules are christian, and don't you forget that. (That means you gay people. God hates you...) You are, of course, still allowed to practice your own religion, so long as it's catholicism.

2. A letter, from yourself, to yourself. That's right, a majority of you voted pro-life. I am behind you 100%. Now to make sure the government doesn't start barging in on your morals, you need to put your feelings in writing and send it to yourself via US post service. Write yourself a letter declaring your view on killing, make sure to specifiy that you are against all killing, not just that of babies. (That's right folks, pro-life means against all killing.) This way just incase we run out of people to fight our war, and uncle sam comes knocking on your door, you'll be prepared to say you're not interested. Don't feel bad or hypocritical. You are allowed to be pro-life and pro-war. Right bush?

3. U.S. Constitution. Pick one up at a US novelty store anywhere... (I'm sure walmart carries them). This is soon to become a collectors item, and the actual text of the document will be worth over $100 (on e-bay). As with most historical documents, school books, and other various useless items, the constitution is losing relevance. With the creation of the internet, the nuclear bomb (that's nu-que-ler), and books.. very little in this document really applies to today's culture. Also make sure to pick up your copy of the patriot act, the ultimate guide to being the best patriotic citizen ever. Throw away any other books you have, they're useless too.

4. SUV. You absolutely need an SUV to make it through the next four years. It'll stimulate the economy, thanks to our beloved, (yet still to be proven) trickle down theory.

5. TV. You'll need a TV to access Foxnews. This is where all the real news is. Don't believe the stupid liberal crap you see on CNN or NBC. Even now I'm a bit leery of recommending fox, since it is more liberal than I'd like.

6. You won't need a job. You won't get one either.

7. Duct Tape and plastic sheets. Osama's still on the loose! Keep watching those terror alerts (and be scared.)

What you won't need:
1. An opinion. If your opinion deviates from bush's, you are not patriotic. This will not help anything.

2. An education. Under-funding of schools nation-wide is the administration's hint to society. Education is not neccessary. All you need is a good (conforming) attitude.

3. Again: A job, forget about this. Mexicans will do all the work for you, for half the price. Isn't that the way it should be?

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