This noodle's black, and it's hooked up to the TV.
Posted by FredFredrickson on 04/13/03.

I have a confession to make. I have a crush on Lizzie McGuire. Big whoop. I mean, come on, who doesn't wanna grease up that fine slice of hot steel? Oh wait, sorry my mind was wandering... anyway, back to the point. I heard a rumor (from Y14 magazine) that there was something going on between lovely Lizzie and that lil' puke Aaron Carter. Just let me say this, a bag of old stinky gym shoes has more talent than this talentless tool. (And probably smells better too.)

So here is my attempt at saving Lizzie from a horrible future.

Aaron, step off homeslice. You ain't got nothing on me, foo. I'm twice the man you'll ever be, and fourteen times more better at grammar. You make me want to release all of the wrath of 500 bald fat men on you. You make me want to eat liver and wash it down with the juices of a freshly ripened asparagus plant. If you so much as touch my Lizzie one more time, I'll make sure you'll be enjoying the liver and asparagus just as much as I do, but you'll be enjoying it without your precious hair! BECAUSE I'M GONNE PLUCK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR HAIRS OUT WHILE YOU WATCH IN A MIRROR AND THEN YOU'LL BE RUINED !!!! LETS SEE YOU GET THE GIRLS NOW LIL' KID. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

And Lizzie, I'm much better than any show-biz guy. Don't go for these losers, pick me! I'm a millionaire! (ok well not really.. but if you DO pick me, maybe some guy wearing fancy clothes will give me a check for a million dollars...) I put the word "fun" back into the word fundamental. Because I'm fundamental all over you babe! (And I'll fund your mental any time you please, if you know what I mean *wink wink*)

Well that's it for now. Lizzie, if you're reading this.

I want you to have my babies!

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Dan @ 04/14/03
"I would help with the torture."

OfOneDestiny @ 04/14/03
"Robbie, don't you have anything better to do then stalk girls that work for the Disney Company, and threaten wanna-be pop sensations!?! Well, I guess not, oh well have fun with that, I wish you luck, even though it is kinda weird, meh!"

era @ 04/15/03
"dude, that HAS to be the WORST photoshopping job i have EVER seen. dude, i coulda done a better job with real pictures scizzors and glue sticks!! :p but she is kinda cute, and arron carter does have to die. so umm.. if you go to kick his ass invite me so i can kick him in his head a bit, ok? ok! cool."

Kirsten @ 04/16/03
"well there's one thing you and my sister have in common. oh we should go see the lizzie mcguire movie together! "

Nicole @ 04/22/03
"For one thing: Era~ UR GAY! For another thing: Lizzie McGuire (a.k.a Hillary Duff) bites ass!"

Fred @ 04/25/03
"How dare you say such blasphemy about Lizzie!"

shay @ 07/28/03
"your freakin dont have a chance with her unless your going to be an actress."

stubernmule @ 11/06/03
"dude fund in ur metal??? what is that, common man"

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Who am I? That's a good question. I am the creator of, and the writer of the front page column. My actual name is Robbie, but for whatever reason I like Fred better. If you read my column, thanks. Feel free to leave a comment or two. Chances are, I've pissed you off anyway.

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