Here's a bold statement that will be hard to refute: Babies are idiots. They drool, they can't control their poop, they can't talk, they can't comprehend things, they aren't even self-aware. All in all, babies are a major waste of our resources, because they're stupid.

What would be even more of a waste is if they didn't eventually grow out of their idiocy. But how can we expect those litle buggers to do so? Well that's when parenting comes in. Apparently we need to trust these otherwise useless poop machines to the parents of our time. It's the babies' only hope to make it as people, and boy does survival of the fittest (parents) kick in right about now.

Its the parents' job to aide their child in growing up to become part of society. To learn to interact and contribute. To become somebody of worth who will better this world for more people to come. These are our future world leaders!

So I've got a great idea. Let's give them retard toys.

Ever hear the concept, treat them like a child, and they'll act like a child? Well I have. It's a common concept. If you never encourage growth and learning, no growth or learning ever takes place.

Ever notice when you're watching that karate movie how the sensei gives the student a task that is just outside the student's skill set? The student attempts and fails miserably at first. Then he learns to be patient, and to practice, is able to fly to beverly hills and save the girl. All while being incredibly fat. The point is, if the sensei gave him a lesson he already understood, then no learning could take place.

In what way does a flashy plastic guitar with three buttons- all of which do arbitrary functions with random noises which in no way creates a pattern that the child can use to contruct even the simplest three-note song- challenge a child to learn or grow? Possibly it challenges your kid to develop an attention span that wouldn't finish this sentence. Maybe epilepsy. But your child will stay a retard if you don't act adult around them and use words.

Guess how many words children are learning from tellitubbies? I'll give you a hint. Zero. Telletubbies don't speak. They do, however, instill American values into our youth: TVs are a big part of all our lives, and they exist hidden in our bellies.

Mr. Rogers was the dude. He was polite, but he spoke english. And children picked up from it. And they were his neighbor. And he promoted playing with trains (awesome) and stop lights (super cool).

Learn from today's unable parents. Don't make your baby retarded.

As they always said, "spare the rod..." I say, take it three months earlier. "Spare the clothes hanger..." But that's just me. For you, best bet is to buy your kid some creative toys like good ol' fashioned building blocks or a train set. Let them learn to create.

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ThatSam @ 09/18/07 "This might also apply to the tv show "Kid Nation"" corinne @ 09/18/07 "hmm I agree with this, I like the method Robert DeNiro uses in Meet the Fockers" mynameisjonas @ 09/22/07 "im one for the spartans...." the_legacy @ 09/24/07 "Well Said... God i hate the "now" parents of todays youth. " LittleMega @ 10/07/07 "hahahaaaaaaaa" Login to comment...

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