Very few people these days exude integrity, and people tend to wonder why America is so hopped up on pills. Today I share with you a theory of why people are crazy: They lack integrity.

In short (Thank you wikipedia):

Integrity is the basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles.

A vegitarian has integrity when they refuse to eat meat. A monk has integrity when he refuses to unmonkly things. But what happens when you don't have any real core values?

Well I have news for you - everybody does. Some people just deny it.

At their core, most people have a sense of what's fair and what's right when it comes to themselves. That is to say - despite the fact that Bob here supports the war (which violates the rights of many many humans) he does not support the killing or torture of himself. This is what we call a very base core value.

Now, a lot of people's values can change, depending on what experiences they have, what their upbringing was like, and what kind of food they like. But if you run them off the highway, or smack them in the face, they will undoubtedly feel that they deserve justice. And this is not an uncommon value: to be treated fairly. Being smacked in the face is far from fair. Being run off the road is slightly worse.

This is where people deviate, or using our word of the day: lose integrity. Most people will demand justice (from insurance companies) about their car, and smack the guy back for the audacity of the face violation. But let's just say the guy who got run off the road was your friend (Bob)... And it just so happens the guy doing the wreckless (or wreckful?) driving also happened to be a friend (Jim). And Jim lies to the authorities about the accident, and poor Bob is stuck paying for the damages with no insurance. Boy that sucks for Bob. It's safe to say Bob feels that Jim has violated his rights, and that Bob deserves justice. But what happens when Bob complains to you? Uh oh! They're both your friends... this can get tricky.

Your sense of core values suddenly becomes less consistent because it's no longer about you. Your friend had the wrong doing, and you just don't want to piss anybody off. You don't apply the same core values to your friends as you apply to yourself. Or do you?

Well, you know that Bob is upset, and you know very well why: Jim was being a dick head. So you do know right from wrong! Let's extend those core values back to your friends... we knew you weren't a bad person!

Oops! That's where the lack of integrity comes into play. You've got your values... but you don't stick to them. It's easy not to stir things up when it threatens friendships (as crappy as they apparently are). You won't say anything to Jim to back Bob up, because worst case scenerio: he might get mad at you. And Bob? Well he keeps bitching to you because he's got nowhere to turn to. And what do you do? You finally get fed up with him and tell him to quit bitching and deal with it. You tell him to grow up and stop pestering Jim. Bob's just a baby and he's bringing it all on himself.

Wow, that doesn't seem right at all. You yelled at the victim of the story, and you didn't say anything at all to the perpetrator. Interestingly, you find a way to sleep at night.

Does this sound familiar to you? Maybe it reminds you of some of your friends. Maybe it reminds you of you. Maybe. Your goal of avoiding conflict with Jim has caused a conflict with Bob, and somehow it all makes sense to you. This is because you lack integrity.

Yes, there are things to let go of. Some things are better left alone. Somebody slapped you, you can move on. Some things need to be pursued: Somebody ran you off the road. Time to get justice. But having poor integrity does not build good friendships. Having poor integrity does not build relationships. And worst of all, it makes people crazy. Issues should be dealt with accordingly, instead of bottling them up to avoid confrontation. That is why therapists get the big bucks, my friends.

And heck, next time Bob comes complaining to you, consider this: If you think he's right, tell him. Sometimes people just need somebody to agree with them so they feel like someone will back them up. That can dissolve a problem right there, just having somebody to vent to. And there you are, staying true to your values in the least active way possible. You're not doing anybody a great favor, but you can at least sleep at night.

Stumble this article.

Riev_Mordred @ 08/15/07 "This post is about me! Point of Interest, if so, I've made comments to Jim as well. If not, then Bob and Jim need to grow the fuck up and stop wasting your time on a matter that you can't give an objective position on." FredFredrickson @ 08/15/07 "this post is not about you. And there is an objective position: bob's car is ruined and won't get fixed cause jim lied. Using blanket derogatory statements like "they both need to grow up" avoids actually approaching the issue. Does somebody have daddy issues?" the_legacy @ 08/15/07 "Yah i know quite a few people like that. Damn people! Stop trying to make every one happy. Your gonna piss some people off, its time to deal! So dont waste time just smiling and nodding with something you dont agree with. Get your balls back!" Riev_Mordred @ 08/15/07 "Ohhhhhhh biting response from Fred. Legacy, my question is "What if they keep coming to you? Do you just turn them away? Are they even your friends at that point?"" FredFredrickson @ 08/15/07 "A friendship is a give take relationship, just like all relationships should be. You decide when it's more give than take. But don't forget to give as much as you take." the_legacy @ 08/15/07 "Keep coming to me? Im kinda bluntly honest (its something i need to ease up on) So i dont have a problem telling people what my opinion of a situation is. I dont care if people vent to me, but if you wana talk Shit you say it to the persons face not me." FredFredrickson @ 08/19/07 "I'm confused" Login to comment...

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