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 Astrology, Psychics, and, Yes, Cold ReadingsFredrickville.com Posted by FredFredrickson on 07/25/07 12:46pm. If you follow my column at all, which I know you do, you've already got a fair idea what this is about. This is about astrology, psychics, and, as per usual, me completely tearing apart yet another stupid group of ideas that have somehow made it past the invention of the wheel... You know, the moment man realized that he could proactively take part in his life and not just be jaguar food... Ok, ok, I know some of us haven't quite made it past that yet - it's ok, just continue lifting weights, nobody will notice you haven't evolved yet. And if somebody calls you on it, beat them up. Yes. Perfect. Nobody will suspect a thing. What was I talking about again? Hmmm.. oh yes.  Now before I go on, I will mention my last column was about a certain phenomenon that regularly occurs in people who believe in that magical stuff, and the apathy and lack of ambition that phenomenon creates. This can easily be applied to this this column as well, so if you haven't yet read it, please go do so before we continue. I'll wait for you. Ok, good. Now we're all on the same page. Today I would like to talk about astrology mainly, but keep an open mind, you can easily apply this to tarot cards, psychics, pedophiles, chicken nuggets, you name it. I'm speaking about the belief that somehow, despite all the factors in your life (parents, friends, teachers, tragedies, romances), your behavior is nothing more than a combination of when you were born and the position of the earth relative to the stars. Just putting it this way should simply wake up anybody out there who dozed off early on in their life and started believing this crap. But incase you're still an idiot (chances are, you are) I'll continue. Just like tarot card and crystal ball readings, your zodiac can very surprisingly tell you things about yourself that nobody knows. Things that you might even deny at first, but you know deep down inside are true. How is it that these 'portals' into an all-knowing dimension exist? And more importantly, how did you ever live without them? I'm not sure why I should spell this out, but there is a term, it's called a "cold reading." Without even knowing my audience, I can make some generalizations that follow a few guidelines, and easily apply it to just about anybody. First and foremost, my generalization will be flattering. You tend to care, even though you try not to. You may even put on a cold outer-shell, to appear to others as if you don't, but your greatest weakness is also your strength. How many people out there wouldn't love to have this said about them? Does this apply to you? Of course it does! If you care about everybody too much - BINGO! If you don't give half a crap about anybody - BINGO AS WELL! Because basically I just said, you pretend not to care, that explains your callousness, and even better, I compliment you anyway by saying - but you do care!. Wow, now I don't have to feel guilty about being a bad ass that doesn't give a crap. This astrology stuff feels good. And that's why it's addicting. Because it DOES feel good. Because it's a form of flattery, and of course it placates you, fills the void where ambition belongs, and again - assures you that your fate is sealed, no effort required. And doesn't that feel better than going out and actually living life? Taking risks? Pshhh, no thanks, I'm a cancer. If I've just changed your outlook on life then you're already an idiot, but feel free to google the term "cold reading" and step into the light. Now, I know what you're thinking - ok it's easy to write off the basics like that, but what about when your future is predicted. How did that psychic know that I would find a man who's tall and dark and swept me off my feet? Huh? Your logic won't answer this one, will it? Last night I watched the movie 23. An interesting movie, albeit a relatively poor shot at psychology 101, with a twist of the paranormal. Oooo. The important part to know, whether you've seen the movie or not, is that an obsession with the number 23 overcomes a man, who then finds the number 23 everywhere he goes. He counts letters (values of letters), does math, matches dates, and he happens to glance at analog clocks when it's 2:15. Interestingly, it's an obsession that once started is spooky because your mind tends to notice things when it's looking for them. This movie wasn't scary because he kept seeing 23 - it was scary because the concept of losing your mind to an obsession is a creepy concept. At no point watching this movie do you consider that maybe the number 23 really is magical, just that the main character is going insane. See the connection yet? That's ok, I can draw it for you. He saw 23 everywhere because he was looking for 23. You see your future come true, because you were looking for the tall dark man to fall in love with. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. (in the words of wikipedia: "In other words, a false prophetic statement — a prophecy declared as truth when it is not — may sufficiently influence people, either through fear or logical confusion, so that their reactions ultimately fulfill the false prophecy."). You fell in love with a tall dark man because you were completely ignoring all the short light men that entered your life since the prophecy. Jim Carrey noticed all the important events that happened on 23rds (or made some idiot mathmatical formula to derive the number 23 from arbitrary numbers related to important events), yet completely ignored the fact that important events happened on the other 353 days of the year. So basically, those of you who were astrology nuts, and love readings - I just kinda explained why you're stupid. Congrats. But there's more! Even a skeptic like myself avoids readings and whatnot. Why's that, you ask? If you're so sure it's all fake, then you've got nothing to worry about. There is a very simple reason why even if you think it's just fun and games, or you don't believe it at all, to avoid these situations. That's simply because your mind enjoys being duped. If you hear a reading, you'll have a hard time not associating events and things soon afterwards with said reading. And that's just not going to help things out. So finally - now you're in the light, what should you do? Make fun of people who still believe that crap - and hey, maybe make some new un-believers! Next time somebody you meet asks your sign, lie to them. Let them think they've got you figured out. Eventually - if they're actually into that zodiac bs - they will make stupid comments like, "oh, that's so scorpio of you to say." Or "I knew you were a cancer!" "You Libras are all alike." And then when they're least expecting it - lay it on them. "BLAMO, I'm a capricorn BIATCH! Good job trying to stereotype me. Oh, and by the way, stop breathing my air."
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Fredrickville.com
  Who am I? That's a good question. I am the creator of Fredrickville.com, and the writer of the front page column. My actual name is Robbie, but for whatever reason I like Fred better. If you read my column, thanks. Feel free to leave a comment or two. Chances are, I've pissed you off anyway.
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