Not Another Driving Post by This Guy
Posted by FredFredrickson on 07/18/07 12:29pm.

At some point I will alienate my entire audience. As soon as that happens, I'm sure I won't notice and I'll continue posting far after the internet becomes passe. As is common for me, not noticing when things are no longer popular or "happening"....

But seriously folks, none of you can drive. I am the only living being on this planet who knows how to drive. The rest of you are insanely bad at it and should stop trying. Here is where YOU ARE WRONG:

1. You don't signal. There should be no need for explination here. It's the law, and it makes sense. I call 911 every time I see somebody switch lanes without signalling because I assume that they're either intoxicated, or they're having a medical emergency. Cause, hey, otherwise they'd signal - if the lane switch was intentional. This problem causes the most accidents of all.

2. You tail-gate, and ride your breaks. This one will go hand-in-hand with #3. Riding somebody's ass is dangerous because it makes the assumption that nothing can ever possibly go wrong. This is of course incorrect. An animal can run out in front of you. The person in front of you can have a heart attack. You can have a heart attack. China can make cheap novelties for less than a half-pence a piece, what a deal!. It should make you feel uncomfortable to be close to the car in front of you. It makes your passengers feel uncomfortable. Just stop being an idiot. Aside from that it's bad for gas milage and bad for your breaks. Not to mention dangerous to break at all on the interstate. YOU SHOULD NEVER USE YOUR BREAKS ON THE INTERSTATE unless something is causing you to slow down unnaturally, say, maybe an accident. Aside from that try taking your foot off the gas. Breaking is for stopping, and if ride your breaks on the interstate, people won't know when you're actually stopping. And that causes more accidents than any other reason

3. You break late. Learn now that late breaking is dangerous and doesn't leave room for error. It also scares your passengers because they're not sure you're even aware that stopping should be taking place. And god forbid your breaks give, or the road is slippery, you'll have no chance to react. It's also obnoxious, and is a leading cause of rear-ends, and all accidents in general.

4. You speed like you have a death wish. I don't care if you do this when I'm not your passenger. I honestly don't care any way you look at it. But you will get ticketed, so stop being an idiot. Also, speeding causes more accidents than all the other leading causes combined.

5. Learn to merge. The reason we have traffic during high-volume times is because nobody knows how to merge. Everybody has a me-first attitude, and it gets nobody anywhere. If three lanes are turning into two, merge. Make a spot for other people to merge, and slow down a bit so everybody can merge nicely. It is not correct to get into the lane that's ending so you can speed past the already merged traffic and then try to get in front - thus stopping traffic, thus ending the flow of a merge. Last time I saw this happening I saw a constant stream of MASSACHUSETTS idiots going through the ended lane and cutting in front of everybody. Because of this, traffic wasn't moving at all. These people, of course, are going to hell anyway, so I cut them some slack. And besides, they're just going to get in accidents, since poor merging etiquette causes the most accidents than any other reason.

So that's it for now, I'm sure there are more points to be made, but I'll feed them to you in small doses so you can read through and learn each of these points. Don't even think about telling me how good of a driver you are. Because you're not. Learn these.

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SpIkE @ 07/18/07
"It's brake(s) not break."

SpIkE @ 07/18/07
"Point 4 isn't really accurate. I had an awesome site about speeding myths, but this one shows the basic idea. Accidents happen when there is varations in speeds. So if the flow of traffic is going 5-10 mph over, but you are traveling at the limit, you cause a change is the flow of traffic. People who go slower than the speed of traffic because it's "safer" are the reason for accidents. However, I will contest...speed is NOT the biggest reason for accidents. The biggest reason typically involves a car crossing traffic or pulling into traffic."

SpIkE @ 07/18/07
"I realize you are talking about people going 20-40+ over the limit. But even that doesn't cause the MOST accidents. It causes the most horrific accidents, but it doesn't account for the majority."

FredFredrickson @ 07/18/07
"no you're right, that's point #1.. and 2"

SpIkE @ 07/18/07
"Sometime I let your genius slip by, Robbie."

Riev_Mordred @ 07/19/07
"I couldn't help but notice that they all ended, assuming that the point caused the most accidents. Coincidentally, again I agree with -most- of Robbie's points. I hate when people don't signal, especially when I'm walking, because I do not have Extra Sensual Perception."

corinne @ 07/19/07
"awww man, it's not my fault I'm a Mass Ass!!!"

corinne @ 07/19/07
"Guess I will admit though, I have seen some terrible drivers while traveling via highway, license plate reading; Massachusetts. "

the_legacy @ 07/19/07

the_legacy @ 07/19/07
"^ Oops! Honestly I know that Iím not a very good driver (Robbie will blame it on the fact that I am a female). But it depends on my mood and what song is on the radio. I love going fast and I hate it when people go really slow *under the speed limit for example (when I have to be some where at a certain time, or just caz Iím eager to get somewhere) Most people donít remember what they learned in Drivers Ed: If you are being tailgated, just pull over and let them pass you. I get pissed when people tailgate you on the highway in the slow lane when they could easily pass you (those are most likely people from mass who donít understand how to drive correctly)"

test @ 07/19/07
"I can drive, I'm awesome!"

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Who am I? That's a good question. I am the creator of, and the writer of the front page column. My actual name is Robbie, but for whatever reason I like Fred better. If you read my column, thanks. Feel free to leave a comment or two. Chances are, I've pissed you off anyway.

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