Abortion: The New Weight Loss Plan!
Fredrickville.com
Posted by FredFredrickson on 07/12/07 07:30am.

What on earth could be so wrong with girls these days that the minute they get pregnant (oops!), they decide they want the kid?

I mean, we're talking about these girls just out of highschool, and a minimum wage job at some crap-hole. Someone who couldn't possibly support themselves (living at home with mommy), let alone a child.

Yet, for whatever reason, they end up pregnant, and very interestingly- they MUST HAVE THAT BABY.

Sound familiar to you? That's because you know at least 6 girls who fit this stereotype. That's right, I said it, stereotype. Aside from the great joy that people derive from fitting into stereotypes (that's why they do it, no?), what are the contributing factors that cause such an interesting scenerio?

Well it all has to do with the mental state (and sometimes limited mental capacity) of the girl in question. We know the following to be true:

1. The girl has absolutely no life goals, and therefore no reason to believe she has anything to achieve that a baby would get in the way of.

2. The girl cannot think. This is a given.

3. The girl lives in a dream world, completely detached from reality, where the thought process of "it will be tough, but we'll make it! And having that baby will be worth the struggle!" makes sense.

4. The girl is trying to prove something to somebody: usually parents. (occasionally birthing can be for self-affirmation as well). No matter who the subject is, the reason for birthing is always selfish and never actually has to do with selfless hope of the baby's quality of life (which, of course, if taken into consideration would end in an immidate abortion, since we know this to be true:)

Current Quality of Life > Life + Baby
(Where we know Current Quality of Life to already be shambles in comparison to a thinking person)

5. Deep down, this reason is always present, however it is not usually a main reason for childbearing. All women have this instinct present, and when a decision can have this outcome, it is always seen as a bonus and will add to the momentum of the decision. This can completely and totally ruin a man's life.

6. The girl has tricked everybody around her into thinking that this was a mistake, and that she's willing to be the hero and have the child. What she isn't talking about - the elephant in the room - is what her reasoning behind not using protection or birthcontrol was. This will never be spoken about, except directly between mother and daughter, and only for 23 minutes exactly - as soon as the news is learned. After this, the mother will have nothing but support for the girl.*

*I understand that in some families, the girl would be immediately kicked out of the family and left to die. The reason this does not apply to this example is simple: In a family with strict moral reasoning as this, the girl would not have these psychological issues, and would most likely opt for an abortion anyhow. In which case her family has done her well, and she has what we in the biz refer to as "BALANCED THINKING"

This leaves me with my very last point:
7. This is less of a point, and more of a conclusion to be drawn from the first 6 points. The girl in question is unbalanced and has severe psychological problems and needs help! Under no circumstances should this girl be encouraged to have the child (as the child will be just as messed up as the mother), and instead should be encouraged to seek help from trained professionals. She should also be required to get a tatoo just above her vagina that says "By the way, I am trying to get pregnant, and I will have the child." This is, of course, as a courtesy to all males in the world, who shamelessly put their dicks in everything. AMEN.

Warning: Mouse over image for great fun and unquestionably bad taste!

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble this article.


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"i think this is a little over the top. not everyone who gets pregnant and is young is unbalanced, in fact, one girl i know is the smartest person ive ever met and one of the nicest and shes got a kid and is my age. i see no problem with her at all and the fact that your just saying if you get pregnant you should have an abortion is a little fucked up id say. but its not to say everyone should have kids. it is wrong to assue that just because a person is young and lacks a job that is high paying doesn't mean that said person wouldnt make a great mother. i know people with very high paying jobs who are married and have kids that suck to no end as parents. i think just stereotyping someone like that is horrid. and i know ill get lashed because of this but its true. ones financial staus and age has no effect on their ability to be a loving and caring parent."


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"i made a bunch of spelling mistakes in there"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"part of being loving and caring is providing for your child. Guess what, a paycheck helps."


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"yea it does help but living with parents and having a kid isnt a bad idea. also i feel like you can support a kid that way. money helps but it isnt everything. and "blah blah blah- grow-up" will not change my opinion on this one"


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"I agree with most of this column. I'm sick of girls getting preggos when they can hardly support themselves as is. It's irresponsible and not fair to the child."


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"well i know even now if i got pregnant i couldnt get an abortion. i mean the world sucks but i couldnt kill my baby. no way! its weird dont you think?"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"nobody said blah blah blah grow up. Best thing my mom ever did for me was wait to have me till the family was rich before having me so I could have a coushy lifestyle. And now I'm the king baby!"


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"oh no...this is gonna turn into a damn abortion debate...fine. When does life start though? When are you actually killing a baby and when are you just flushing out components?"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"oh, it's it not killing babies! it's barely even a fetus at that point."


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"well its not the point of whether abortion is right or wrong. in my opinion its all a choice. im saying i couldnt kill it. i can barely kill anything, yes what i hippie i know! but anyhoo, it doesnt matter what it is at that point, its more what it is going to be, what we know it to be. "


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"IT'S JUST COMPONENTS!!!"


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"that are used to make a baby. that would be a baby"


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"What it's going to be?? What it's going to be is in a broken home if the mother isn't prepared."


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"well, am I killing babies everytime I use a condom?? Destroying components...tisk tisk."


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"yeah, we call thems poverty-babies. they eat garbage and die miserable at 3 years old. So is it better to abort before it's a baby? Or let a living being suffer for 3 years and then die? Don't call it euthanasia, remember, it's just a fetus..emryo thing."


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"embryo"


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"technically yea since the whole point of sex is to create a baby, we just use sex the wrong way, but im not saying using a condom is bad and i think you're missing the point. im not saying everyone should have kids. some people are unprepared but some people, whether they meet your standards of a good parent or not, are ready to have a child in their life and to give that said child a good life. the reason i was angered but this column was because it was all a generalization and severly stereotypical. thats the stuff that pisses me off"


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"*by"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"it pisses you off because it's so true."


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"not really. if it were true and i knew it to be true and i dint have examples of you being so wrong living around me then i wouldnt be so pissed off."


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"angered by inner struggles between what you thought was true, and what your eyes are now opened to"


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"oh like how i thought you were cool but now i know you to be an ass? or do you mean how i thought youd stopped being an ass, but then you turned out to be an ass? no no, not angered by those really so much as angered by your ignorance to the subject. the girls i know who got pregnant are set with their lives and have a plan. one has a kid and is still going to college next fall. they will be fine. on the other hand some mrried folks that make a shit load of money that i know currently are getting a divorce and their kids are fucked up. WAY FUCKED UP... but im done because is see you wont agree with me becaue this is all opinion and yours is yours because your peers who got pregnant are bad examples and fit your stereotpe where mine dont fit your stereotype. and im done"


cherrybomb @ 07/12/07
"oh so many wrong spellings"


corinne @ 07/12/07
"whores need birth control.......period."


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"cherry, I'm not an ass. I have an ass. A finnnne ass. But anyway, you're wrong."


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"i like this corinne chick already. Well put."


the_legacy @ 07/12/07
"Okay, The fact is that the purpose of sex is to reproduce. If you are having sex then you need to be prepared for the consequences. If its abortion, adoption or having it, it’s up to you. If you want to have sex and don’t want a kid then you need to be smart about it. Birthcontrol people! Weather is spermacide, condoms, birthcontol pills, the day after pill, WHAT EVER as long as it works! But you also need to keep in mind that accidents do happen and you need to be prepared for them. The facts are that if you get pregnant young and go though with having the child it makes things difficult, fanatically and emotionally. Every one has their own opinions on if abortion is killing. Literally speaking the baby isn’t alive until it takes its first breath. But to the person that’s carrying the baby, it’s alive the second you find out that your pregnant. Its growing and developing inside you and it becomes a part of you. The difference between a baby and something like your appendix is that you appendix wont grow in to something that you love unconditionally and have an actual thought process. "


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"how dare you say i don't love my appendix!!"


corinne @ 07/12/07
"haha"


the_legacy @ 07/12/07
"Thats right, I SAID IT :oP"


Hauck @ 07/12/07
"Hum... Well honestly I agree with Robbie on like 99% of this article. Legacy I Completely Disagree with sex for reproduction. Sex is a way to pass time, like playing golf or watching baseball. Honestly reproduction is what happens when you screw up having sex. It’s a Punishment for getting it wrong! On the abortion thing. I am 120% in favor of having the option to kill your children regardless of when a baby is a baby. I think that that is semantics anyway. If you cant support it than don’t have it. I hold the same Opinion on having kids as I do with getting married. “DON’T DO IT TILL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED ALL OF YOUR GOALS IN LIFE!” Because a spouse and or child will stop you. It will keep you from being able to work the long hours most Good jobs will require. It will prevent you from relocating to take advantage of opportunities. This will sound bad but Sex is a huge tool for advancement. Relationships can open doors for you so long as you sleep with the right people. Having a family too young will prevent you from taking the risks and undergoing the hard ships that it takes to have a good life. And yes there will always be someone that can stand up and say “I had a kid at 19 and my life turned out great” but for every one of them there is 50 who are too busy working 3 jobs to pay for daycare, waiting for the child support check to come in and spending 8 years to get a 2 year degree. Just my 2 cents, agree, disagree totally up to you. "


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"well said, hauck"


Fly_girl @ 07/12/07
"So as a former whore and sperm dumpster (I'm only joking 50%) If I got pregnant, I wouldn't have kept it. It wouldn't have had the life, or the parents I wanted it to have (Yea Little Johnny, your Daddy was a one night stand). In fact, when I got pregnant the first time, I didn't want it... at all. I kind of have a feeling I willed the fetus not to develop, if you believe in that sort of thing. But after Matt and I got married, He got a good job and I got promoted to Senior Airman, I felt we where fully ready and where able to support a child. So yea, I have to agree with Fred on this based off of personal experience. And condoms break, shit happens, and adoption is not always an option... How would you like to grow up not knowing where you came from? Now there are exceptions, Matt mother had him when she was 15, and she's now a successful lawyer, but it took her a long time to get there, and it was very hard. But then you have my ˝ sister, Ashley Sirles, who had her baby taken away… She was living with my biological mother, who had me at 20 and was still unable to take care of me and my sister. History repeating… I say we break the cycle and give impoverished women a 50% discount on abortions so they can afford them and stop the cycle… "


Fly_girl @ 07/12/07
"Sorry... just rambelings"


Seth @ 07/12/07
"Wow, looks like Fred hit a nerve here. More comments in a day than lots of columns get in their entire run."


SpIkE @ 07/12/07
"I am so far the king of hitting nerves. Check out this post: http://www.fredrickville.com/newdesign/newcolumns.php?board=9&n=39 Although, this post is catching up damn FAST!"


corinne @ 07/12/07
"well i think it's extremely fair to conclude here, that abortion is a VERY sensitive and debatable subject"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"And I thrive off of causing argument and debate!!"


FredFredrickson @ 07/12/07
"..and sensitivity"


Spoonman @ 07/13/07
"The Legacy wrote: " If you want to have sex and don’t want a kid then you need to be smart about it. Birthcontrol people! Weather is spermacide, condoms, birthcontol pills, the day after pill," [sic] If the morning after pill counts as birth control then I don't see why abortion doesn't count as a valid form of birth control also. Abort! Retry! Fail!"


FreakBurrito @ 07/13/07
"Dude, NSFW warning BEFORE I mouse over the image. I like my job."


corinne @ 07/13/07
"the ONLY reason the morning after pill should be distributed should be in the case of a rape"


VegasSpades @ 07/13/07
"I disagree: What if I'm stretching some bitch's leather and we find out that the condom broke? I shouldn't be punished for attempting the necessary precautions. You lose. BHANG!!!"


SpIkE @ 07/13/07
"agreed"


corinne @ 07/13/07
"well, i guess, that's considering that you can't take care of a kid though right?"


the_legacy @ 07/13/07
" the morning after pill is different from abortion because of the stages of development of the fetus. And your not getting anything sucked out of your v-hole."


corinne @ 07/13/07
"i believe every female who does not plan on deliberatly reproducing should either have the patch, the nuva ring, or the pill unless they have a medical condition in which they cannot use them. Condoms are only good for people who are boring in bed (in MY opinion)"


corinne @ 07/13/07
"i will probably get shot down again :)"


the_legacy @ 07/13/07
"I think that condoms are good for people who dont want to get std's"


corinne @ 07/13/07
"eeeek, well i'd consider that a whole different argument, but yeah no one likes std's so that's a great use for them"


VegasSpades @ 07/13/07
"Not-greasing-slores is also preventitive of STDs. Use of condoms is concession of being filthy. Besides, there's nothing wrong with raw-dogging as many women as you can before you get bought out."


FredFredrickson @ 07/13/07
"Burrito: I fell like "great fun and unquestionably bad taste" is a fair enough warning. But also - since when was fetus a problem at work. There were no boobs..."


FredFredrickson @ 07/13/07
"*feel, and *?"


mynameisjonas @ 07/16/07
"i remember a mormon asked me "what if they had aborted baby jesus... in hind sight my laugh probably offended him..."



Login to comment...

Return to main...


 
Fredrickville.com

Who am I? That's a good question. I am the creator of Fredrickville.com, and the writer of the front page column. My actual name is Robbie, but for whatever reason I like Fred better. If you read my column, thanks. Feel free to leave a comment or two. Chances are, I've pissed you off anyway.

Search This Column


Home | Columns | Pics | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer / Terms of Use | Gripe
Everything Else ©2017 Fredrickville.com All Rights Reserved.

website tracker