Over the past two years I've been spending more and more time in the small city of Boston, thanks to my beloved girlfriend who schools it up there. And over this course of time I've collected a great hatred for this city and all it stands for. Now I will share with you why boston sucks the big one.
1. Boston closes at 6. Seriously. This city is the anti-city. Businesses close randomly throughout this city, all with a common theme: early. Try getting food at 11 pm, and you'll realize that central New Hampshire has more of a night life than Boston. But that's probably a good thing, since Boston's public transportation stops at 12:30, rendering the entire city useless. If that's not enough - try getting pizza on a saturday afternoon. You'll find some places close at 3, so you better hurry up. Sunday? Forget about it. National holiday I'm guessing. Basically, if you're grandma, this place is perfect.
2. Parking. For a city that has a lot lot lot less people than other cities, they certainly don't have much parking. I mean, let's say you're in the middle of New York City. Limited parking? Yes. But circle the block a few times, and something usually opens up. Boston? Don't waste your time circling the block - unless you have a resident's permit. This city is dedicated the the grandparents that live there. Not from around here? Then f-off.
I know what you're thinking, why not just use public transportation? Skip the car! That'd make perfect sense, except a few problems: The subway is unreliable with waits amounting up to 15 minutes for the next train. Make sure you alot at least an hour to get from anywhere to anywhere. Oh, and if you want to stay out after dark, be prepared to walk. Again, it closes early.
If this wasn't already a driver's nightmare, imagine it when it snows. Apparently this means the 8 parking spots that aren't reserved for residents are suddenly open but full of snow. Does Boston have snow management? Yes, read the signs - snow clearing happens thursdays. Good luck until then.
3. Food sucks. I've eaten in Boston countless times and I have yet to taste anything remotely good. The more you eat in this city, the more you start to rank things on a completely different scale. Take a bite of this NY-style pizza and go, "wow this is pretty good!" This translates to, "Wow, this is better than I expected from this nasty pizza joint, and certainly a 10 on my Boston-scale (which fits snugly between 1 and 2 on my normal scale). I think I'll go punch myself in the face."
Even if the food was good, there's still one more issue - every order is f'd up. Order in? Order out? Order delivery? Doesn't matter. What you want isn't what you're getting. You're getting what ever the cooks wants, and today, it's a crusty burnt burger. You didn't really want a sub anyway.
Believe it or not, the best food places in Boston are the fast food places, such as mcdonalds or wendys. Why is that? Because despite their obvious crappiness, they're at least consistent. You get what you expect. A measly 4 on your normal scale, easily an 11 on your Boston scale.
I'm sure there's more, but this is all I can think of right now. Until next time.
Stumble this article.
Kallie @ 03/19/07
"You hate everything.
And my sandwich was good."
Batman @ 03/19/07
"That's why you should VISIT ME!!!!! Seriously. Ha ha ha."
gregor @ 03/20/07
"Fuckin hit up a chinese bakery dude"
corinne @ 07/13/07
"i usually take the t, but when i did drive there i found only ONE parking spot and it was in front of hooters"
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Why I Absolutely Hate Boston
