4) It rarely ends well.
I’ve seen too many of my peers lose good friends simply by dating them. As soon as you start calling it “dating”, everybody seems to get more sensitive. When people get more sensitive, they are more likely to get upset. When people get upset, they break up friendships that would normally have stuck together well.

Wobert’s Law:
The easiest way to lose a good friend is to date him or her.

5) I’d have to go to dances.
By now you should know how I feel about dances. (See Exhibit F).

6) I’d probably have to go to movies.
I know that it’s not a given that I would have to go to movies, but that seems to be what couples do. All the time. Because it’s dark in movie theaters, so they can grope one another in peace, and this is apparently worth ten bucks a person. Or something. Whatever the reason that people go to them, I really hate them. REALLY (Exhibit W). I haven’t been to see a movie since The Two Towers came out. In fact, The Two Towers was the last movie (except for training videos) that I watched in its entirety. Heck, I haven’t even watched any television since the end of my last school year. I feel about movies basically like I feel about dances. So if my girlfriend wanted to go to the movies, I would have to go. And it would be wretched.

7) THINK OF THE PUPPIES!


Required Reading
VECTORPARK!
First person to find the point without chemical aid wins my eternal and undying respect.

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