2) I don’t have the time or the money.
This seems pretty self-explanatory. I work in the summer at a summer camp, and all of the piddling little sum that I make goes into the bank for things like college and a computer and a car. I don’t really even have money to treat myself to movies or meals, let alone another person. And the chivalrous gentleman in me will not allow me to split the bill permit a lady to pay for me. It’s just not acceptable. During the school year, I have about thirty hours a week that are not spent sleeping or doing school-related stuff. I can’t spend that little bit of available socializing time with just one person; it’s just not efficient enough. If I can only do one fun thing a week with other people, there needs to be at least two other people involved to make it worthwhile. Anything less means that I am not getting the net amount of socialization done that I need to.


3) I’m not interested in sex, or even in lower-grade physical relationships.
According to our culture, this means that I must be gay. I can assure you that I’m not, but I must also tell you that I have a nearly complete lack of sexual drive. Partially because of my faith, which prohibits pre-marital sex, and mostly because of a lack of interest, I don’t see any reason to fool around and squeeze people in the dark or stick my tongue in another person’s mouth. My tongue is perfectly happy where it is, and has no desire to visit other tongues or to entertain other tongues in his humble abode. Besides, I’d have to actually worry about how my breath smells and stuff if I started sharing air and saliva with girls.

A friend once told me, in an attempt to persuade me to start dating, that “Dating is just like friendship, plus ‘insert tab A into slot B.’” I feel like there must be something else to it, but since I haven’t figured out what that something else might be I have decided to take his word for it. And since I have no interest in inserting any tabs into any slots, I guess friendship will do just fine for right now.

INTERACTIVE EXPERIMENT:
Stand in front of a mirror. Pretend that you’re making out with someone. Do everything that you would do if you were making out with someone, except to the air. Watch yourself in the mirror. Goodness, don’t you look silly? How does sharing that with another person make it any less silly?

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