In the car on our way to my cousin’s first birthday party, my dad was listening to some baseball game or something. I find it difficult to believe that baseball has already started, given that there are some winter sports that haven’t finished yet and half a foot of snow on the ground, but it sure sounded like baseball.

At one point the announcer (the one at the stadium on the PA, not the one on the radio) asked the crowd to “Please stand while we honor our country with the playing of ‘God Bless America’”. It turns out that not only was the song recorded two years ago, but it was sung by Celine Dion (an acknowledged Canadian). And then they announced that they were entering the second half of the sixth inning.

What the heck was going on there? The stadium demanding that people rise to hear a Canadian singing about America as her “home sweet home”? Wasn’t the Star Spangled Banner enough? They play songs all the time at baseball games, at every unoccupied moment. Why doesn’t the announcer demand that people stand for the “YMCA” or “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”? Why does “God Bless America” demand any more respect than “Who Let the Dogs Out” (which doesn’t demand any because it’s the most idiotic song EVER)? Because we’re at war. Of course. To heck with the military-industrial complex, the proceeds of THIS war will go to benefit anyone who can slap an American flag on anything. Watch for red, white and blue road salt next. Jingoism knows no bounds, and anyone who feels that they don’t really need any more stuff, let alone tacky stuff with gaudy banners on them, or anyone who doesn’t like Celine Dion’s rendition of “God Bless America” is a traitor, liable to be prosecuted under the Patriot Act.

I have no problem with patriotism. Really. But it’s getting a little out of hand. And why, in the name of all things good and holy, did they perform that little example of nationalist masturbation halfway through the sixth inning? Couldn’t they have waited three outs and done it during the seventh inning stretch, when everyone would have been standing up anyways? Think about it-a game this early in the season, only the really hardcore fans are going to be there. And the hardcore fans are either there (‘scuse my stereotyping) for baseball or beer, not Canadians singing national anthem wannabes!

I move that we outlaw tasteless and irrational displays of nationalist pride. All in favor may indicate so by saying aye, and all opposed may stick it in their ear.

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