I recently had occasion to dine with five of my less-good friends (I know them better than acquaintances, but not by all that much). We spent about half an hour waiting for our food, half an hour eating, and forty-five minutes figuring out how to pay the check (“You had the coffee, that’s $1.50….so with tax and tip, plus the fact that I didn’t bring any money, that comes to $12.78.”). That aside, the evening went reasonably well. Reasonably well, that is, except for the attitudes of the four (excluding myself) males (henceforth Bill, Bert, Ben and Bob) toward the one female (henceforth Jill) in our party.

Jill had recently spent a night at Bill’s house, where Bert was also staying. The next day, while Jill was showering, Bert and Bill had picked the lock on the bathroom door and videotaped her. She was obviously embarrassed, and then became angry when the pair informed her that they would not disseminate the video on Kazaa if Jill agreed to do a little more on-camera “work” for them. She informed them, as most sane individuals would, that that could go soak their heads, and that they darn well better not put the video on the internet or there’d be heck to pay (she probably used stronger words, of course).

At dinner, Bert and Bill had a grand old time teasing Jill about the video. After Jill had finally had enough and walked away to compose herself (and calm down enough that she could refrain from emasculating the pair with her spoon), Bert was kind enough to inform her that the video had not actually hit the web, and never would. This “apology” was a start, although Bert stated very plainly that he did not ever plan on deleting the video, and did not apologize for his and Bill’s actions.

Bob, who has a girlfriend with whom he is sexually active, did not speak to Jill at all through the course of dinner except to hit on her. In fact, as we were taking our seats he felt it prudent to inquire as to whether Jill ever fantasized about him (again, he used more explicit language). Toward the end of our time at the restaurant, Bob offered Jill a ride home, on certain (fairly explicit and demeaning) conditions.

Ben, who had gone out with Jill for nearly two years, was kind enough to engage Jill in other conversation, but did nothing to stop the teasing and joined in every now and then.

As we were discussing who owed what for the dinner, Bert and Bill insisted that they couldn’t contribute any more money toward the bill because they had to save a few bucks so that Bert, who had recently turned eighteen, could buy porn for Bill, who was still underage.

Jill is a pretty easy-going individual, but it was plain that Bill and Bert’s teasing really rubbed her the wrong way, and I can’t imagine that Bob or Ben helped at all. But my male compatriots felt that it was entirely within their rights to both talk about things that made her uncomfortable (such as porn or Bob’s exploits with his girlfriend), or even all out sexually harassing her. They justified their abuse by saying “Oh, you know I’m not serious”, or even better “I’m sorry, but you’re the only girl here…..”. It is incidents like this that make me ashamed to have a penis. I understand that it is not my fault that other members of the male species are such swine. In fact, it is not entirely their fault either. The culture of gentlemen bowing to ladies has devolved into a culture of tab “a” being inserted into slot “b”. Our society is driven more and more by base desires and less and less by manners or respect, and I for one am not going down without a fight.

I would like to issue a challenge to my male readers. I invite you to resurrect the idea of chivalry. Open doors for girls, offer your chair, pull out her chair, and speak to women with the respect they deserve. They don’t want to hear about your pornography addiction, they don’t need to know what you did with your girlfriend last night, and they certainly don’t need to be harassed. Treat women not as a weaker sex to be taken advantage of, but as the gentler sex to be respected. Touch only when you’re sure it’s wanted, and don’t whine and pout when it’s not. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to become a gentleman. Are you man enough?

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