As an aside, "trousers" is a very funny word.

The forces of Marketing now control the nation. Sure, the Republicans swept the elections, but they still don’t have any sort of power over the whim of the common man. And by “common man” I of course mean “average teen” because, hey, that’s who I am. Ok, maybe not truly average, as you will soon see. But I digress; back to my original assertation, which, if you will recall, is the incredibly profound observation that the lives of today’s teens are controlled entirely by the ever-present barrage of marketing and commercialism.

As exhibit A, I present the current “popular” styles of pants among teen males. No reasonable human could truly believe that it is a mark of high fashion to wear one’s pants around one’s ankles. Furthermore, the advertisements which attempt to foist this these inane garments on the general populace try to pass low-hanging pants and high-strung underwear off as the mark of an athletic male. Look at any of the advertisements for places like Abercrombie&Fitch (more on this later), Banana Republic/Gap/Old Navy (did you know that they are all the same company, same factories? The stuff nobody wants from Banana Republic get re-tagged and sent to The Gap, and the stuff nobody wants from The Gap get re-tagged and sent to Old Navy. So Old Navy is essentially the factory outlet of a factory outlet. About half a step above the Salvation Army.). The advertisements which promote these absurd pants-gone-parachutes ALWAYS depict large, athletic young men, who are never hairy and often shiny, wearing pants with the waist around their knees and boxers with hearts on them (and no shirts). ALWAYS. The next time you see one of these advertisements, I want you to imagine what would happen if this obviously very active individual were to engage in any sort of physical exertion. Better yet, imagine them running. Wouldn’t that be hilarious? They’d try to run, and they’d only get three steps before WHAM, flat on their face with their pants around their ankles. Or they would just run OUT of their pants, resulting in some quite comical finishes (or football tackles). Better still, they would have to hold their pants up with both hands as they ran, resulting in them looking remarkably like a chicken-elbows akimbo, flapping like wings, shoulders down (creating the appearance of a really long neck) and a bizarre gait which doesn’t move the upper body that much at all.
Ones’ pants should cover one’s underwear, since underwear is meant to be worn completely UNDER one’s outer clothing. Hence the name. And pants should also be worn and constructed in a manner consistent with physical activities such as walking and sitting. But maybe that’s just me.

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