As exhibit B, I would like you to ponder the current styles of pants which female teens attempt to wear. I am referring to the “low-rise”, tighter-than-a-garden-hose-around-a-watermelon jeans that are bleached in the most bizarre places imaginable. Even more upsetting are the jeans with the tiny little pockets in the front that look EXACTLY like the back pockets. How are you supposed to know which way the pants go, especially since some of them are spandex and have no fly? How do girls get into these pants? More importantly, how do they breathe/move/excrete? I don’t know about you, but it looks terrifically uncomfortable to me. No wonder thongs are so popular, because regular underwear wouldn’t fit under these shrinkwrap obsceneties. Now, I understand that these garments are meant to “show off what you’ve got” to the males of the teenage species. But, frankly, they don’t leave much to the imagination. And as a longstanding member of the male community, I can assure you that we’re really not worth any discomfort you might visit upon yourself in the hope of attracting one of us. In fact, we are absolute pigs. Especially the ones that are attracted to girls based on really tight pants. If you attract a male by showing off your body, you can’t expect him to do much more than squeeze and drool. So wear normal clothing; clothing which provides adequate coverage from the elements and prying eyes, clothing which is comfortable, and clothing which does not restrict such important bodily functions such as circulation.

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