Americans take their spectator sports too seriously. Wait, no, for once this vice is not uniquely American-fans the world over riot in response to soccer scores or bad calls. It appears, in fact, to be a disease of the developed world, but since I live in America and the only time I’ve ever been out of the country was to visit Canada once or twice, we shall approach the illness from the American side of things.

Nearly every day at school somebody asks me what I thought of this touchdown or that call or the other bench-clearing brawl. All through the day there are people in the computer lab discussing the stats of the various players on their fantasy teams, or the real games which were aired the night before. And then they compare contemporary statistics to every game played since the invention of the ball.

Baseball players with multi-million dollar contracts go on strike to get more money. Basketball players leave the teams they profess to love so they can have a ninety million dollar contract instead of eighty-nine million. And football players are drafted directly out of their colleges and drenched with money, benefits and fame. Just what, exactly, do these people contribute to society? Are we so fat and lazy that we can’t get our obtuse backsides off the sofa to go play our own sports? Or are we so desperate for entertainment that overweight guys in tight silver pants that stick their butts in the air and then run into one another is worth more money than teachers or even most doctors? In a country (never mind a WORLD) where our children are starving and our elders can’t afford medicines, should we really be spending billions a year on temperamental pretty-boys who, despite being paid more money per year than many people see in a lifetime, can’t be bothered to get out of bed if they have a “slightly strained” spleen or some similiar tommy-rot. If your yearly salary rivals the GDP of some third-world countries, you can darn well get off your whining duff and stand in a field with a glove on your hand!

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