For those of you even less cognizant of today’s fashion “scene” than your humble (ha!) author, I would like periodically use this space to effectively disseminate news of emerging fads that you, the average teen, should either be enraged at or disgusted by.

First of all, the most depressing commentary on our society which is currently in the process of elbowing its way onto the stage of popular fashion, is the dry-clean only bathing suit. I hate to be sexist, but the truth of the matter is that these logical obscenities are only made for women. Hooray. Now women can lounge on the beach or even at a pool, basting themselves with oil and seeing how much radiation their melanocytes will tolerate before beginning a revolution and attempting to take over their bodies, but more importantly, they can do it while wearing the highest fashions, made possible through the utilization of fibers which had previously been excluded from the swimwear world by their unfortunate tendency to shrink or stain in water. Wait, what? Swimwear which cannot be exposed to water? Let’s look at the etymology of the word “swimwear”:
Swim-propel oneself through the water.
-wear-clothing designed specifically for a certain event or occasion (formalwear, eveningwear, etc.)
So it is only logical that swimwear would be worn for, well, swimming. But apparently I’m just too old-fashioned and cynical to comprehend the new fashions.

Or maybe I understand the idea of dry-clean only swimwear too well for my own good. Maybe I have been cursed with the ability to recognize the attitudes and motives inherent in this emerging fad. The concept of bathing suits which cannot get wet seems to be proof positive that at least some women (and I’m sure many men) go to the beach for the express purpose of wearing skimpy clothing and showing off their bodies, while at the same time supposedly “improving” their skin by deep-frying it. Is our society so obsessed with sex that what was once a normal, healthy form of athletic recreation has turned into a forum for the beautiful people to display their wares to the public at large? Kinda makes you want to be a hermit, doesn’t it?

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