I Once Choked A Golden Chicken For Eating My Driver's License
The Outhouse
Posted by Applegoogle on 08/08/11 03:18pm.

If there were ever a prodigy at making people facepalm, it was Alfred. Alfred was the brother of Aflac, the Annoying Duck. Alfred's stunning ability to dumbfound and amuse were one in the same and he took it to the stage at the local comedy club. He became a huge hit and started booking tours to Djibouti and Laos, where he became an international sensation.

One day though, he took his act to San Bernardino, California. This is where his life derailed into a downward spiral of crack use and cannibalism. He took the mic at the local comedy club there and performed, but for some reason the magic that had propelled him to Laos and Djibouti wasn't with him in California. He was booed, had a glass thrown at him, and was challenged to a fight by the unruly crowd of four seven year olds (with absolutely no adult supervision).

Distraught and anxious, he turned to crack to ease the pain. Crack was the only comfort he knew, being from the mean streets of Casper, Wyoming. Four days later, he was involved in an altercation with Andy Dick and was seen on TMZ and the front cover of Enquirer magazine. He was out of control, but he wasn't done ruining his career yet. He was determined to get to the lowest low at this point and crack ran out of steam. Broke and desperate, he turned to cannibalism and began hunting, killing, raping, and then devouring other ducks. This landed him into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, but he was kicked out when he was caught bribing one of the contestants and then threatened to eat Dr. Drew.

After 3 solid months of soul searching in a maximum security prison/ duck hunting ranch, run by Dick Cheney, he had found the answers he was looking for. He decided to go back home and work on his comedy again. It took 6 long months to get back on top, but he eventually got another chance to make it big. He landed a spot on the Conan O'Brien show and killed (metaphorically speaking this time). Now he's making 9 million a year and eats only the finest fish.

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble this article.

No comments
Login to comment...

Return to main...


The Outhouse
I will regale your audience of about 12 with stories that I make up on the spot about random things. I need an outlet for my imagination.

Stay on top:

Search This Column

Home | Columns | Pics | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer / Terms of Use | Gripe
Everything Else ©2017 Fredrickville.com All Rights Reserved.

website tracker