Elephant Dreams And Satanic Delights
The Outhouse
Posted by Applegoogle on 07/03/11 02:20pm.

Captain Spammy, a legendary pirate, was sailing the Gulf of Mexico in the equally legendary ship, The Porterhouse, when he and his crew were ambushed by some ninjas. Something was off about these ninjas though, one was really fat and the other 2 were sipping hot tea. This could only mean one thing: they were British.



British ninja are the rarest of the ninja, so it's a conundrum for any self-respecting pirate when confronted by this rare breed. They are simultaneously the most hated enemy and the most valuable treasure in pirate lore, so their greed and kill instincts are both piqued.

Captain Spammy decided to kill the two drinking tea and capture the fat one so as to satisfy both instincts sufficiently, so he threw the 2 off the ship and quickly had his crew tie up the fat one. It was too easy, thought the Captain. His acute sense of observation is one of Captain Spammy's greatest skills, and as always, he was correct. Just then, a huge dragon ninja arose from the sea.

It was Nessie. It dawned on Captain Spammy that it totally makes sense for Nessie to be a ninja since she's so hard to find in that teeny little area. Snapping back to reality, the Captain ordered his crew to start drinking (as all people who are legally able to drink know, the greatest ideas come when you're completely hammered). It took about 4 kegs and suddenly Captain Spammy got the idea to talk to Nessie.

"Yo! Nessie!" he shouted. Thus began a conversation that yielded new friendships, Nessie's resignation from the ninjahood and rejection of British citizenship, and a declaration of war by Nessie on the British; as well as a lot of money for Captain Spammy from selling that fat British ninja at the pirate market on the Cape of Good Hope.

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I will regale your audience of about 12 with stories that I make up on the spot about random things. I need an outlet for my imagination.

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