Lampo McSharknuggets and Clingy Sausageelf were the best of friends and also the town drunks of Elfington. They were stumbling to the liquor store when they suddenly had the need to pee. They went off the road a bit, but in their effort to avoid urinating in public, they kinda began a journey that led them through a cloud. The cloudy cocktail of hallucinogens was located precisely where they had more liquor, which they had forgotten about in their stupor, and they proceeded to do their business and break open their recently not very well buried, but newly discovered treasure trove of vodka and gin.
30 minutes in though, the drug addled duo began to hear something. Clingy asked Lampo what he thought it was and Lampo replied with a cough, "Hobos?" It was at this point they decided to chase after hobos with only the empty bottles and the deer antler they found. Armed to the teeth, they set off to find hobos.
In town was Officer Morcus Malindy, the patrolling officer that night. He was a grizzled 20 year veteran. This is an account of the horror he experienced. It was 2:30 pm. He was at the Zookeeper cafe when he received a complaint about Lampo and Clingy chasing after residents in the forest. When he got there, he saw 4 people with bumps on their heads and cuts on them, and one squirrel tied to a tree. He was instantly sick to his stomach, he never seen such carnage in all of his years. Then, as he followed the trail of broken glass, blood, and dreams he came face to face with the destructive duo, wearing warpaint that looked like their own feces on their face while brandishing a goose and a bamboo stick.
"Sup, Sir Offy?" inquired Lampo. Clingy could only manage to hiccup. "Hands up!" shouted Officer Malindy. Lampo tried to touch his toes while Clingy started doing the macarena. Malindy knew he had to take them down, they were too dangerous, so he pulled out his taser and he promptly took them down. They both puked. Thus ended the 2 hours of horror in the outskirts of Elfington. Officer Malindy was given a medal of valor and a gigantic raise while Clingy and Lampo stayed in jail for 24 hours.
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