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Spoons Editorial
Posted by Spoonman on 09/22/07 12:53am.

I'll try to recapitulate a few things I meant to post but never did.

Because it's more fun to read numbered points, I'll do that. Spoon, like others, is nice, and formats his text in a way that is pleasing to read. Unfortunately, it won't last long.

Ok:

1) I am constantly paranoid.

2) I constantly think of topics that I want to post, and then realize that I could never successfully post. This is not because they are too personal or controversial, but merely because they are too detailed and not very interesting.

3) As proof of (2), I started writing in (3) on the subject of one such topic alluded to in (2).

4) I really am constantly paranoid.

5) I have more of a plan.

6) After 3 years, I decided it's ok to eat the stems of Pepperoncinis (in vinegar)

7) If I started linking to all the things I allude to in this Editorial, it would cease to become an editorial and become a blog. That is unacceptable.

8) I finally saw all the Lord of the Rungs movies. Yes, I'm aware I wrote "rungs". I assure you, it was intentional, much as it was the last time. I saw them all at once and in order, and was left with mixed feelings. I don't understand why ...

8.5) Wow, I really am so paranoid.

8.75) ... the conversation, narration, etc, in movies is so weak nowadays. I saw "300" recently as well, and although I was prepared for the acting to suck, I was still a little appalled. However, I found that in the Rungs trilogy, that the dialogue, while better than in other films, was stilled cliched, over-emotional, and weak. I don't understand why everyone has to prattle on about honor and duty and heroics and how these are "dark and troubled times" and things like that. We get it already, and honestly, no one talks like that in real life.
In the first film, there is a scene where Bilbo refers to the One Ring as "my precious" to illustrate to the audience (whom Peter Jackson must presume are block-headed) that the ring is corrupting him. I don't recall such an obvious smack over the head occurring in the books (agreeably, while JRRT is not the "greatest English author", as JCOOD once tried to convince me, he is intelligent and subtle.)
And please - doesn't Bilbo have half a clue as to this? (Maybe it's part of the ring's power, right?) But seriously. Weak weak weak.
My second point of contention would be that the whole story hinges on a number of last second and highly improbable escapes from danger. Again, I think this is a purely cinematic issue. When someone's about to get killed, and then his or her friend shanks the would be murderer seconds before the death blow, credibility is lost. Maybe not on the first occurrence, but after the 6th, 7th, 9th, 25th...we start to see it coming. I think a much more exciting movie would have much more Hemingwayian heroics - people thrust into situations beyond their control and having to find real ways out. The good guys dying if they were in over their heads. Real dialogue, not elevated and fanciful drivel.

9) As an addendum to (8), here are lists of the characters that (a) were cool and (b) needed to be slapped.

9a) -Saruman
-The war elephants
-The king before the evil hold releases him, when he's all purple and decrepit.
-The girl Sam dances with, and ultimately marries

9b) -Frodo
-Sauron, for not being able to catch Frodo
-Aragorn, only for his pronunciation of the line "Legolas - what do your Elf-eyes see?" He was within the acceptable bounds at all other times.

10) I really am so paranoid. These are in lieu of clauses. Clauses are funny, but detract from the post itself.

11) I read, one day on a whim, a 150 page book about a 12 year old girl whose sister is on marijuana. It was foolish, hilarious, and beautiful. I intended to devote a post to it, but I mean, seriously.

12) Ok, time to tough it out. Next post ho!

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corinne @ 09/22/07
"LOTR SUCKS BIG ONES"

SpIkE @ 09/24/07
"Yeah, never was that excited by that series."


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