Whale in Three Paragraphs
Spoons Editorial
Posted by Spoonman on 01/17/04.

Well here we are. I read over the gripe corner to see if anything new had transpired, and indeed things had. My best wishes to everyone for a great Winter Carnival. I do not have a date, so I will probably sit in my bleak attic and rile myself up with the reclusive prose of The Fear and Trembling, and Sickness unto Death, by Kierkagaard, The Flounder, (by Günter Gras,) and possibly the Metamorphosis (either version) until I have convinced myself that I am having more fun than I could ever have if I decided to play the socialite on that starry Friday evening.

Earlier, my brother and I decided to plan out a joint business venture, namely that of a whaling company which would use the most modern techniques of the time to procure high quality whale oil and blubber at a reasonable price. I would manage the tables, figures, business strategy etc, and since the sea calls to my brother, he would be in charge of finding a ship for the voyage. Many modern thinkers feel that whaling is an inhumane practice, but we must ask why this thought it so prevelant. Why would it be more wrong to kill a whale than to kill a pig, or otter, or shark? Is it because whales are larger animals? Is it because we have some strange empathy for them, that connects with their serenity, their seeming intelligence? Clearly these are just tricks of the mind. For over a century the economy of New England was heavily supported by the traffic of whale oil, and I intend to get back to my New England roots through this venture. We will start as a limited partnership, and may opt to include general partners as well, but will not incorporate until we can survive on our own.

Now for the token funny part: Ummm...Pascucci, Electric nipples, there is a kid named Skeeziks, and maybe some...uhh, oh yes: Children's story: "Once upon a time in hyperinflationary Russia..." no, how about this: He just saw the price of lettuce. "Lett-u-ece and Milk" I was up at 5:30 today, and yesterday when it was negative something degrees I went outside naked, yes totally naked (except socks, lest my feet freeze) and walked around for one minute and some seconds. To be funny. Or in some strange attempt to prove my awesomeness. There are actually trees around my house. I felt good afterwards. Warm actually. And accomplished. Well, that's about three.

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Spoonman @ 01/17/04
"I really did."


FredFredrickson @ 01/18/04
"wuh?"


FreakBurrito @ 01/19/04
"God thats an image i never want in my mind again."


Spoonman @ 01/22/04
"Dude. That's the pot calling the freaking white kettle black"


FreakBurrito @ 01/27/04
"You think I actually want that image in my mind?"


Riev_Mordred @ 01/29/04
"I think your imagination is just always thinking of Spoon..... and little Spoon knowing you "



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