I sat, lamenting that no one seemed to have read or commented on my latest post. Is the Gripe Corner the only thing we care about on this site? I like to put my editorials out there because I know I once had an appreciative audience. Let there be one last attempt. Let me tell you about last weekend - while you were all probaby lounging around, drinking tin, eating sandwhiches, going off into the woods with innocent young girls! I shudder to think of it.

I reclined in the living room with the stove going and the television turned on low. Indulging in a half hour of Dragnet every day never did me any harm. Actually, I was not at home, I was at a hotel outside South Shore Massachusetts, on a short trip across the country. The rooms were quite well equipped and I was having a very comfortable time. Every so often I'd adjust the fireplace to a new level. It was quite tepid outdoors. Across the street I saw another building seemingly over thirty stories tall. I watched as the light streamed across it, thinking to myself "Those are some good graphics." I really need to back off of the video games before I start to go mad. The night before I had almost gone mad - my mind started to feel all disconnected and the words I was reading from an old volume came to my eyes but were interpreted differently in my brain. I had to keep going back and re reading everything to make sure I didn't lose a critical sentence. I remember looking at the digital clock on the wall; it's read numerals glaring at me. 5:00pm. I looked down at my shoe, my thoughts trying to find something to connect it with. Angered, I looked back up at the clock. 5:20pm. Was I going insane? I had glanced at my show for what seemed like a second and...

The shatter of glass knocked me out of it. I had been staring at the building across the street for a good ten minutes while thinking about last night. Everything else around me had faded away and my mind felt blanker than the day I took the SAT II's. Conscious once again, I realized that the window above the one I was staring at had just blown outword, glass scattering everywhere. As if to confirm my shock, the one next to it did as well. Some people on the street stopped to look. I flung open the window - the air outside had the smell of the harbor in it. How I love Boston. As I had nothing scheduled at the moment, I decided to go outside to see what was the case. Case...the world is all that is the case...no stop it...I have to focus. The world is the sum of all facts, not of things...I can barely control where my mind is headed sometimes, which worries me, as it often cannot fend for itself without me at the wheel. Throwing on my sneakers and blue fleece jacket, I fairly ran down the stairs and with a little effort, shoved open the heavy wooden door at the entrance to the hotel.

Two steps onto the concrete terrace, and I heard an unmistakable gunshot behind me. Whipping around in all directions, I finally saw a man sitting calmly on the roof holding a rifle. Actually I did not see him, but rather his outline against the pure white sky. I ran back inside. What if he had killed me out there? I realized that I had just had a brush with death and tan vans were not even involved. I started to think of all the times I had just gone outside without thinking. What if there was a sniper? Any of us could be dead at any time. No one checks for snipers...except kids who play too many video games. A puddle of water on the floor caught my eye and brought color to the brick colored floor tiles. "Those are good graphics" I thought, and resolved that this line of thinking was not necessarily a bad one. Why not just pretend life is a big video game. All this while I had been listening for more gunshots but none came, which worried me further that the gunner was going for me. I turned to the hall past the stairs, and took my first left into the basement - oh it was a vile set of stairs leading into a more vile auditorium of pipes and valves, with metal tubing running across the cieling and a thick, hot feel to the air. I ran across a metal walkway that was bolted to the concrete floor, and it shuddered every time my feet hit it. My nostrils were filled with the smell of old plumbing, that steamy, minerally smell that just slightly revolting. Reaching another set of stairs on the other side, I ran up to a door exiting into an allyway. In the ally there was a dumpster, and to the left of it, a box full of long, thin halogen lights that looked fragile. I took one just for the hell of it and exited the ally from the other side, still more curious than scared about the sniper. On the side of the building there was a fire escape. I deliberated about whether or not I should head up to the roof to see what was going on, wagering that if I were noticed I could probably escape into the building's upper floors provided the doors were open. I went halfway up the metal stairs, my heart pounding - by the way, you can read about the South Shore Snipings in the Boston Globe, but I was there so forget that, let me just tell you - when I neared the top, I made sure the closest door was open, and then stuck my head up for a split second. Seeing nothing, I stuck my head up again for slightly longer. The roof was empty, from what I could tell. I dropped the halgoen bulb into the ally below just to see it shatter, and shatter it did - enough so that two police officers came running around the corner of the building. I had already pulled myself up onto the roof and was lying flat when they started up the fire escape, suspecting that something had fallen from the roof. Unable to get in the door I had opened for myself, I tore across the roof of the hotel and crouched near a skylight, surveying the small town before me. A large field caught my attention - probably a local athletic field. I seemed to remember passing it on the way into town a couple days before.

The policemen were probably nearing the roof by now, so I had to think fast. IF you think being on a roof is like being on the ground, well, it's actually windier than you can imagine, and this particular roof was pretty flat. The skylight I was on was made of very thick glass which I doubted I could break safely enough to get through in time, not to mention the fact that it would give me away. I decided to keep lying flat, my plan of action really was limited. I started trying to think what I'd say to the cops when they found me. Another gunshot suddenly rang out, then three more quick ones after it. They clearly came from across the street, and to my good fortune, this was enough to turn the cops around. Seizing the opportunity, I got on the fire escape after they had hit the ground and ran in the door I had opened. Not trusting the elevator, I hot six flights of stairs in about thirty seconds, finally reaching the basement again and navigating the maze of walkways and valves. I cleaning lady tried to talk to me but I ran past her. Taking the other way this time, I found another door that went onto a street on the opposite side of the building. I started to walk calmy but briskly down the road, until a police cruiser flew by me, lights flashing, only to skid out of control when a gunshot punctured it's engine block and white steam poured out of the hood. I ducked under a brown stone building that may have been a parking garage (I'm not really sure) and started running for down the least occupied street I could find. Behind me, sirens screeched. I saw the athletic field about 400 meters up and turned on the speed, reaching it in little over a minute. The field was situated outside South Shore Charter School, which from what I gathered was the middle school. Lousy Communist Charter Schools...give me public education or give me death!

By this time, the streets were more or less clear of pedestrians, most of whom had run inside when the shooting started. Two policemen covering the north running road spotted me and started walking towards me, one even said something into his walkie talkie. Damn. I turned and started walking purposefully towards the school. Adrenaline rushed in me. I could tell they had picked up their pace. I made it to the door almost in a jog and turned to see them charging me. The door was locked. I ran into an alcove on one side of the school, pulled off my blue jacket, wrapped it around my hand, and punched the window out, scraping all the little scraps of glass off of the frame as well. I climbed into what appeared to be the kitchen, and found some packing crates which I started stacking next to the window as quickly as possible. I don't know how close the police officers were, but I wagered that I still had a little time on my hands. The cafeteria was unlit, and that certain feeling of being in a school after hours came over me. I owned the place...there is something I feel when I'm in a school, like I have total dominion. I through my jacket back on, loosely, not bothering to zip it, and started walking calmly down a dark hall lined with a few lockers. The officers might try the main door or main office to inform the summer staff that there was a stranger in the building. I'd have to get out as quickly as I got in - I half jogged down the hallway and then cut in a different direction until I saw a lobby. Turning in a random direction, I headed down another hall, and stopped to get a drink at the fountain. It had no pressure in it and the water fairly burbled out. I hate fountains that don't work. There was another water fountain next, mounted a lot lower for wheelchair acces, and I tried that. It worked alright, but the water tasted like sweaty poison. It was almost worse than V8. Where does this water get pumped from anyway? My inquiry was halted when I heard voices - actually they were not adult voices, they sounded more or less like children; girls or young boys. I ducked into the bathroom when a door in the hallway opened.

The bathroom smelled typical of all school bathrooms. I saw that on one of the urinals was missing and only the piping connected to it remained, out of which oozed a sultry liquid. Worse, one corner of the unclean floor was infested with wretched, sticky insects with beaky mouths, crooked legs, and a dirty sheen to their bodies. The wriggled slowly across the floor - utterly revolting. I peeked back out of the door to see where the kids were going, which in fact happened to be in the other direction. I caught a poster on the wall that mentioned something about student officers meeting during the summer to plan for the school year, and put two and two together that this must be why they were here. I never favored class office. Lots of bureaucracy and sophmoric fundraiser ideas...tusk tusk. The door at the end of the hall was suddenly thrown open, and the two cops entered, shoving the children aside. I ducked back in the bathroom, hoping they would pass by without a second thought. I stood there in a cold sweat for what seemed like five minutes, watching the horrid little insects walk in the same patterns on the wall and wishing I could bash them with something, though the only free objects to be found in a bathroom are towlets and toilet paper. The cops eventually did pass by the bathroom entrance, I heard them outside. Too soon, I ducked out behind them and into the hallway. They might have noticed me had the wall not exploded ahead of them, knocking us all to the ground.

Back on my feet, I looked around quickly. One cop was on the ground not moving, the other was frantically trying to asess the situation. The air was a little smokey, but I could see clearly that where the wall once was stood a mechanical beast. It was fascinating in a way, the structure was made to look like a man, a robot of some kind. It was plated with armor and spikes to look even more malevolent, and the legs were lined with micro-jet thrusters so that it could half walk and half hover in place. The head was secured on either side by large rubber tubing and the face was simply a visor with a single large camera eye in the middle of it. The machine held a high power weapon of some kind in it's surprisingly articulate hands. For a robot, it looked very high quality. And I know my robots. The other cop still faced this thing, not knowing what to do. It raised the weapon and executed him where he knelt in a single blast, leaving only the legs intelligable as part of a living thing in contrast to the maroon visarage smeared on the ground around them. His shoes still gleamed. I had already begun to run in the other direction. I hate running away from danger, but when it's one of those days, you kind of have to protect yourself. The little kids in the hall had picked themselves up and were really frightened, but I ran past them and out into the parking lot, skidding to a hault when I noticed another of the machines of death calmy making its way toward the door, with incredibly lifelike movements. Looking around quickly, I saw an open vehicle door within sprinting distance. It belonged to a tan van, ironically enough, but this was no time to be choosey especially since on closer inspection, they keys were still in the ignition. I started to feel like I should do something to help out the kids, and my philanthropic side made me turn for a moment to see if they were still ok. Both robots had now turned on their jet thrusters and were sailing towards the end of the hallway; the one outside was heading straight for me. I would soon be trapped between them, so I began to seriously think about leaving the kids and saving myself instead. A blast from one of the machines that charred the walls around me and seemed to send me into shock for a moment confirmed this. The humanoid machine outside had caught sight of me in the doorway and clearly had set its robot sense to "kill all humans."

In a few steps I had reached the tan van climbed into the drivers seat, and was about to put it in gear and say "see you in hell" to the crumbling walls and machines of death. I took one last look around, and in a split second, while I felt strangely sorry for all the evil little roaches in the bathroom, I saw the most beautiful girl in the world...

Stumble this article.